Not Forever
by 8cheshirekat
Summary: DEDICATED TO Dark Mage Girl Xion / Ryo/Johan/Jim "He still loves you. After everything you've said. Johan just doesn't know how to hate someone. You could learn from that." Slight AU here....
1. Prologue: Disaster!

(Ryo/Johan and Jim/Johan) Jim and Johan are arguing. But a fatal "accident" causes everything to change. The only one who knows how to fix it is also the only one who's ever known the real Johan. Jim must decide between what is right and what is fair. WARNING! CUTE CHIBI AND SOME ANGST ENSUE.... mostly. oh, they might be OOCd, a bit....

* * *

He threw his arms up, covering his face. He screamed as he fell to his knees. He felt the tears come and he lowered his hands to stare at the tears. It wasn't fair.

No, it wasn't right!

He closed his gentle green eyes and tangled his hands into his aqua hair.

It was nearly midnight.

He hadn't come home again.

No, tonight, he would wait until he got back. He wasn't going to ignore his boyfriend. No, he wasn't.

He got up again and walked to the kitchen. He didn't have a choice, he was going to have to wait. He was desperate to see his boyfriend.

He had just turned on the light when he heard the front door open. His eyes stung from the sudden light, but he went into the hallway again.

There he was. A beautiful, lean man with dark brown hair and a gentle tan. He had a blue eye that stared at the blue-haired boy.

"Jim! You're home!"

"Johan, leave me alone." Jim turned to go up the stairs. "Is anybody else home?"

"No, why would there be?" Johan asked, following the brunette up the stairs.

"Leave me alone."

The bluenette didn't sit for that. He reached out to touch Jim's wrist. "Jim, what's wrong?"

He turned, his hand coming up and then down, throwing Johan's hand away. "No, leave me alone!" He stormed up the stairs and slammed and locked a door.

Johan sighed and came back down the stairs. That meant that tomorrow, when they went to Central Academy, Jim was going to ignore Johan all the way through to the end....

---Jim---

He was pacing back and forth, mumbling and talking to himself. He heard a knock and stormed up to the door. "Go away, Johan! I don't want to see your ugly face or that sorry excuse for a smile! Leave me alone!"

He heard silence and then mumbling.

"Speak up if you want me to hear you!" Jim threw the door open.

Johan withdrew slightly. "I just, um...." He glanced away before looking at Jim again. He scooted back a step. "I wasn't sure if you were hungry. I thought you'd like some dinner, is all."

"Get your sorry excuse for a waste of space _out_ of my house! Go on! GO!"

Johan didn't ask and just walked back down the steps.

Jim stood there, fuming. Why? Why did those thoughts have to cause him this "discomfort" that he despised so much?

He leaned on the wall beside the door. Judai was right. Johan didn't really talk that much. But Johan was hardly at home when Jim was. Judai had to be right. He had proof that Johan would leave the house at odd hours to return just before Jim would. Judai had to be right.

There was a sudden commotion downstairs. It sounded like someone was banging on the front door and something fragile broke.

Jim walked down the stairs, careful not to draw attention and looked over the rail. Johan was picking up a broken plate as the banging continued. He slowly stood up and stared at the door before tossing the plate away. He was just about to reach for the door handle when the door came crashing down on his head. Johan gave out a cry.

Jim was frozen in place. The light became very bright from the stranger and he had to retreat up the stairs to avoid being seen or to have his eyes mangled any more. He sat on the very top step and hugged his knees. He heard nothing more for a long time.

Jim finally ventured down the stairs and froze. The door.

He quickly pulled it up, and was possibly handed a heart attack.

It wasn't sixteen-year-old Johan lying there. A child of no more than five or six was lying there. His blue hair sticking to his sweaty face.

Jim quickly leaned the door on the wall and knelt down. He scooped up the child.

The little boy slowly opened his eyes half-way. He saw Jim and his eyes flew open. He squirmed and Jim held fast to him. What was this?!

"Down! Down!" The voice was Johan's. It had that familiar ring to it. But it was so young, Jim could've easily mistaken it for a girl. "Down!" he begged.

Jim shook his head. "You've got a fever, mate. I need to take care of that first. Then you'll go down."

"No, no, no! Daddy will hurt me. I am not allowed to be picked up!" Johan started crying.

It only dawned on Jim then that Johan was about the size of a toy poodle. He was so small. "No, it's okay. Daddy won't find you here, mate." He ascended the stairs. He had to find something better for Johan to wear than the really lose shirt that had fit him not more than five minutes ago. '_What is this?! What's going on?!_'

---Ryo---

He flipped a coin and watched it rise and then plummet into the well. Was it okay?

He closed his stern, teal eyes. '_I wish to find him again. The boy who smiles for nobody and everybody._'

He heard footsteps running on the soaked pavement.

He turned and someone slammed right into him. He saw a child go flying through the air and he dove for it. His black jacket shredded upon the jagged sidewalk. When he looked down, his teal eyes widened with horror and shock. "Johan!"

Jim reached out and touched Johan's forehead. "I'm sorry. I need to get him to a hospital. Do you know one around here?"

Ryo stood up, holding onto Johan. "Yes. But they won't treat children quickly there. Come. My house is just over there." He pointed. When Jim approved, they rushed towards his house.

'_How did this happen? I met Johan again. But what happened to him?_'


	2. Chapter 1: Fever

Ryo kicked the door open and walked up to his sofa. He knelt down and pulled the blanket up and wrapped Johan in it. "How did this happen?"

Jim just stood there. "I don't know. Someone was knocking on the door and they put Johan under the door. I saw a white light and that was it. Why?"

Ryo gritted his teeth. "Did the stranger stay?"

"No. He left after he did this."

Ryo sighed and gently touched Johan's cheek.

Jim took notice that Ryo's hand was gentle and he didn't take it away right away. It was a gentle touch, meant to be kind. But it lingered longer than normal. "Have you and Johan been seeing each other?"

Ryo shook his head. "I did. A long time ago. Before I accidentally stepped all over his heart. I tore it out and crushed it. I haven't seen him since." Ryo stood up. "Lucky you, Jim. Johan and you won't be leaving for Central this quickly. The flights inbound were delayed and the ship you guys were supposed to take was wrecked. They have to repair it."

Jim watched Ryo turn on lights and leave the room. He knelt beside Johan's lifeless body. It was such a small child.

Johan's eyes fluttered and he groaned. He squirmed under the blanket and opened his eyes. They were milk-chocolate-brown. They were absolutely beautiful. They were so kind and so giving, and yet, they were gentle and childish. He smiled at Jim and reached out. His small hand touched Jim's face, right where the bandages were. "Hi!" he said happily.

Ryo walked back in with a change of cloths and a steaming bowl. He set the bowl on the high table at the end of the sofa and held out the cloths. They were small, just about Johan's size, possibly bigger. "C'mon, let me help you." Ryo started changing Johan. He was gentle as he did so. "Jim, can you feed him? I need to find out if I've got anything weak enough to help with his fever."

Jim shrugged. "Whatever." He waited until Ryo was gone before he picked up the bowl. Johan was still standing on the sofa. He saw Jim take out a spoonful of soup and plopped down. He held his mouth open for the soup. Jim made it cool and gently tipped it into Johan's mouth.

Johan gave a little cough and swallowed. He rubbed his face on his sleeve before opening his mouth again. He was an obedient child. He didn't like the soup, but knew he had to take it, likable or not.

Jim was giving Johan his seventh spoonful of soup when Ryo returned. He saw Johan blanch again and wipe his face with the blanket. Jim looked back at Ryo. "What?"

"Nothing." He was holding a brand new box of medicine. He was also dripping water through the kitchen, to which lead to the front door. "Here. I didn't have anything and I had to make a trip to the store. I can't give it to him. My fingers are numb."

Jim caught the airborne box with one hand. "Where are you going, mate?"

"To take a warm shower. I left some cloths in the kitchen for Johan. Have him change after he bathes." Ryo disappeared into the kitchen.

There was creaking from overhead and Jim was certain there was an upstairs. He sighed and set the bowl on the floor. He quickly read the instructions and took out how much was needed. He gave Johan the medicine. "Hold this. Let me get you some water."

Johan smiled and nodded. "Okay, cowboy man."

Jim had to suppress a laugh. He fetched a cup of water and returned to find Johan was trying to get down from the sofa. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Johan suddenly got teary-eyed. "Johan wanted to help you get water for Johan."

"Aw, don't cry." Jim had to resist dropping the glass of water to hug Johan. "Here, come back up." He helped Johan sit back on the sofa. "I'll give you the pill. Ready?"

Johan opened his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. Jim slipped the grape-flavored medicine into Johan's mouth and a small amount of water. When he swallowed, Johan choked, but quickly covered his mouth. He choked down the medicine and then smiled at Jim. He pulled the blanket and hid behind it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Johan mumbled. "Johan just thinks cowboy man is nice."

Jim laughed that time. "Cowboy man's name is Jim, Johan. Can you say that?"

"Jim." Johan repeated it a couple more times and then stood up to hug Jim. Even standing up, he was short. He reached out and hugged Jim around the neck. He had to stand on tip-toe and was in danger of falling. "Jim! Jim! Jim!"

Jim smiled and picked up Johan. "Let's go see if Ryo's done with his bath, mate." Jim walked into the kitchen. It was fully lit and Jim noticed a _dress_ on the table. Why Ryo had a full-blown, woman's dress was beyond Jim. But he saw a pair of overalls, little sneakers, and a nice, short-sleeved, white shirt. They were all about Johan's size. Jim looked for some stairs and found them.

A staircase lead upwards just behind the ice box. Jim followed them up and stopped.

Ryo was closing the bathroom door and he noticed Jim. "You want to bathe him?"

"Yeah."

Ryo shrugged. He was dressed in a tee shirt and pajama bottoms. He wore no socks and his hair was still slightly damp. "Just be careful and don't let him drown."

Jim stepped into the bathroom. The moist, warm air wafted over the two of them. Jim had expected a small, cramped bathroom, but it was quite roomy. He set Johan on the counter and was starting the water when he heard Johan give a little noise.

Johan was trying to pull his shirt over his head. But his arms were too short. He tugged again and this time he tipped sideways.

Jim darted over and caught Johan. "Hey, hey, lemme help you."

Johan held his hands right upwards. "Jim, can you help Johan?"

"Okay." Jim tugged it off. "Hey, I found you!"

Johan giggled and held his hands out to Jim. "Jim, help Johan undress for a bath!"

Jim sighed.

---one hour later---

Jim was wrapping Johan in the blanket for bed. He didn't know why Johan had fallen asleep in the bathtub, but it was a good thing Jim had been there.

Ryo cleared his throat from behind Jim. "What're you doing? He can sleep upstairs with you, you know?"

"Where?"

Ryo lead Jim to a spare bedroom. "Here."

Jim set Johan on the bed and thanked Ryo. "I need some sleep, mate."

Ryo nodded. "Just be aware that I don't sleep long. I'll be up at the crack of dawn in a few hours, so, don't worry. I'll leave a note." Ryo smiled evilly. "Or I'll just wake you up myself."

Jim shook it off and crawled onto the bed with Johan. He didn't bother taking off his shoes or taking off his hat, for that matter. He put one arm under his head and the other rested across Johan's small form.

Ryo watched them for a long pause and his mind raced back to when he'd met Johan and their last night as lovers. It hurt. He had to admit, though, Johan was still the most beautiful boy he'd ever met. He had such a kind, beautiful face. Not to mention he had a killer smile.

What was it? His love? Or his disaster? What was it that was making Ryo fall for Johan all over again?


	3. Chapter 2: Morning After?

**A/N:** i have to explain this one.... you guys should know that i'm a Cowboyshipping (Jim/Johan) fan. i became a Tealshipping (Ryo/Johan) fan because of a combination; She's The Man Yu-Gi-Oh! GX trailer with Tealshipping, the AMV "Hold Me" for Cowboyshipping, and the movie "17 Again"..... which brought about this..... =___= it kind of just dawned on me while i was writing this chapter....

* * *

Johan woke to find someone standing in the door way. He rubbed his eyes and reached out to the person. "Johan has to use the bathroom."

Ryo stepped in and picked Johan up. "C'mon."

Jim woke a ten minutes later to the smell of pancakes from downstairs. He sat up and reached down to see if Johan was still there. He gasped and looked around before realized Ryo was standing in the doorway. "Where--?"

"Jim! Jim! Jim! You're awake!" Johan was too short to get on the bed, but he popped his head over the end of the bed. His feet were dangling off the floor, but he was happily smiling at Jim, who had to gawk at him. "Ryo said Jim likes pancakes, so Johan and Ryo were making pancakes for Jim! Does Jim want pancakes?"

"Can Jim take a bath first?" Jim asked, touching Johan's soft, fuzzy blue hair.

Johan nodded and fell back to the floor. He ran up to Ryo and held his hands up.

Johan and Ryo returned to the kitchen. He set Johan on the counter and quickly flipped the pancakes. Johan's were diced with bananas and blueberries. Ryo had plain pancakes for him and Jim, since he didn't know if Jim actually liked pancakes. He noticed Johan was reaching out to touch the hot pan.

"Ah! No. That's going to hurt."

Johan quickly followed instructions. He noticed Ryo was looking for a plate. Johan climbed up and opened a cabinet. He got a plate down and set it near the thing he wasn't allowed to touch and watched Ryo, forgetting he left the door open.

'_Ah, there it is. Those innocent, beautiful eyes. I'd forgotten how good you are. How stupid._' Ryo set a pancake on the plate and gave it to Johan. "Here, you can eat yours. Forks are behind you, okay?"

Johan nodded and put his plate down and pulled a fork out of the cup sitting on the counter. He used his hands at first, tearing the pancake into pieces.

Jim came in, tying the bandages over his eye and he saw Johan munching on a pancake while he ripped his third pancake into small pieces. He noticed Jim and waved.

Ryo was standing by the sink eating his pancake. "Here." He held up a plate. "Sorry, I don't have a table to sit at. I usually eat on the sofa. Pancakes are too messy to eat on the sofa, though."

Jim nodded and took the plate. It was a strangled silence as they finished.

Johan was reaching out to put his plate in the sink. As the plate slipped under the bubbles, Johan's right hand, on the edge of the counter, slipped. He screamed.

Ryo and Jim responded. Both of them pretty much dropped their plates and reached out to grab Johan. The shattering plate seemed to have scared Johan, because he covered his ears as he fell. He was shivering, like he was cold, but he started groaning.

Ryo quickly stood up, holding Johan close. "Shh. It's okay." He made for the front door. "Let's go outside. It's nice outside today."

Jim was still kneeling and he noticed that the broken plates had also effected him. He remembered Johan had dropped a plate. Why had Johan become so clumsy? What had caused such a calm, eloquent young man dropped a plate so easily? Had it been something Jim had said?

He started cleaning up. His mind wouldn't stop. It was buzzing with so much life.

Suddenly, something grabbed his pant leg and made it cold and wet.

Jim jumped and almost fell, if he hadn't put a hand on the counter.

Johan had snow on his nose and head. He held out his hand again. It was wet, probably from the snow, and it dripped onto the floor. He giggled and ran up to Jim. "Look! I found snow! I found snow!"

Jim sank to the floor. He couldn't.... no, he wouldn't satisfy Johan. Maybe that was what it was. Maybe he should've been a better person.... maybe.

Ryo walked in and dumped snow all over Johan. He didn't smile or laugh, but he looked at Johan, who was giggling and laughing like a girl. He jumped up and down, asking Ryo to pick him up. "C'mere. Let's go get dry upstairs."

Ryo took him up stairs. He had no clue why an Australian airliner would drop off their best duelist in Europe, where the American champion was waiting for the Russian champion. After which, they would go to Africa to pick up the African champion and the professor. Ryo just knew that it was frustrating. For Johan, that was.

Johan suddenly tugged on Ryo's hair.

He looked down.

"You're handsome." Johan smiled brightly.

Ryo felt a blush parade across his face. He quickly smothered it and gave Johan his coldest look. "I'm not."

"Yes you are! Johan thinks you look pretty, but men are not pretty. Men are handsome."

Ryo bit his lip as he pushed the door open to the bathroom. '_AGAIN! You did it again, Ryo. You son of a gun. Don't think about it. Don't...._' He looked down. Johan was happily waiting on the counter to be dried. '_He doesn't know that he does it. It's always something he says. Something he does. It makes no sense. He's just so...._'

Johan held his hands up to Ryo. "Dry! Dry! Dry Johan! Johan wants to be dry again so he can help Jim clean up the mess!"

Ryo just smiled to himself. '_That's right, you told me. You were never allowed to go without cleaning up a mess. You've got a mean father. Why don't you...?_'

---_flashback_---

"Hey, slow down."

Johan stopped and spun about. He was wearing a summer tee with a pair of jeans. He was "off duty" with Ryo.

Ryo was wearing a plain white tee and torn jeans. Unlike Johan, he was wearing sneakers. He came up to Johan.

"Ryo-kun! Look!"

Ryo blushed profusely. Johan had learned, rather quickly, how to speak Japanese, and always called Ryo "Ryo-kun" because they were dating. Even though it sometimes felt like they'd just met. "What?"

Johan pointed at a building and smiled back at Ryo. "It's the stadium, Ryo-kun. It looks so pretty at twilight like this! Don't you agree?" Johan took Ryo's hand.

Ryo had to look away and smiled. "Yeah." He wrapped one arm around Johan's neck. "It's not quite as handsome as you, but good enough." He kissed the top of Johan's head.

Johan squirmed slightly. "I wish my dad was like you."

There it was. The thing Ryo hated hearing. "Can we go one day without you mentioning him? I mean, it's destroying you, Johan."

"No it's not." Johan shoved Ryo's arm off. "He's family! Even if he's not the nicest guy, he's still my dad. Don't--" Johan suddenly covered his mouth. He'd forgotten.

Ryo was hurt and just stood there. He dropped his hands so they hung at his sides. "Johan...."

"Just because I said it doesn't mean I mean it!" Johan quickly said. He held his hand out. "Please, I'm sorry. Kaiser, don't be angry."

Ryo turned away. "Forget it. It's not going away."

---_end_---

Ryo put Johan back on the floor and the boy ran out to the stairs. He was clinging to the rail, waiting for Ryo.

'_That's right. You didn't mean it._'

Ryo quickly dried his hair and started walking down the stairs with Johan, holding onto his shoulder, should he fall. They got to the bottom as someone came knocking. Ryo set Johan down on the bottom step and walked to the door.

Jim joined Johan.

"Hello."

Ryo didn't waste time and was soon finished with his "retainer" and returned to Johan and Jim. He was holding a schedule for the next two weeks. It was something he'd grown used to, and it was his odd way of living. "Care for a walk down the street?"

Johan jumped up and took Ryo's outstretched hand. "Where to, Ryo-san?"

Ryo faltered a step, but turned all the same. He lead Johan to the door. "Let's find an adventure." He looked back at Jim. "Care to join us?"

Jim nodded and got up. He grabbed his coat and something fell out. A piece of blue paper. He picked it up.

"We're leaving!" Ryo called from outside. He was putting a hat on Johan's head.

Jim stuffed the paper into his pocket and darted out the door. Ryo locked it and took one of Johan's hands. Johan reached out to take Jim's hand. At first, he didn't take the outstretched offer, but then he took it, seeing Johan's begging eyes.


	4. Chapter 3: Shatter and Tear

Jim was holding the door open as Ryo and Johan carried in bags.

Johan had asked if Ryo could make dinner, so, Ryo had taken the duo to the super store nearby. Now, Johan was helping carry one of the smaller bags while Ryo and Jim carried two each. Jim had put one down on the small table near the door to hold it open for the other two.

He watched Johan go running passed, holding the small bag over his head. Ryo thanked Jim and followed Johan down the slightly narrow hallway. He flicked on the light switch over Johan's head as the little bluenette stood patiently waiting. "Jim, hurry up and close the door. It's cold out there."

Jim kicked the door closed with his heel and slipped off his wet shoes, like the other two had, and proceeded into the kitchen. Only to find that the two were laughing about something that Jim had apparently missed. He watched Johan hold up one of the bags as Ryo unloaded the contents into the cabinets and ice box. Jim set the last two on the already cramped counter. He was about to walk away when Johan touched his hand, which had managed to linger on a bag.

Johan smiled happily and stood up. He pulled the heavy bag over to Ryo and sat patiently, watching Ryo with wondered eyes. Jim had seen those eyes only once before....

He shook himself.

Johan was trying to get off the counter and was now dangling off the end of the counter. He gave a little whine, but Ryo couldn't do anything. His hands were full and his attention was on getting the cans into the cabinet.

Jim lurched forward and managed to grab Johan just before his grip gave out. He set Johan down and the bluenette turned around and smiled brightly up at him. "Don't do that!"

Johan's smile suddenly faded and a gleam echoed in his eyes. A glean Jim remembered all too painfully clear. "Johan didn't mean it. Johan didn't mean it. Don't be mad. Please. Johan didn't mean to make you angry." Johan suddenly covered his face and cried, quietly.

Jim sat down and put his arms around Johan. It kind of hit him harder and faster than anything.... this was a kind of awkward _FAMILY_ moment.... really awkward.

Ryo knelt down and held out an apple. "Here. It's okay. He was just worried about you." Ryo waited for Johan to calm down before he touched Johan's head. "It's okay. We're not angry, we're not your father or mother. We're just friends taking care of you." He gave a warm smile and Johan slowly took the apple. "See? I'm not dangerous. Neither is Jim. Jim is just happy that you weren't hurt."

Johan looked up at Jim and he smiled as well. '_I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Ryo was right. You're very worried about me, always. I remember that happiness from a long time ago._' He stood up and reached into the last bag and took out the surprise Ryo had bought. Jim had chose it and he handed Johan the small piece of candy. It was chocolate. "Here. This should make you better, mate." He gave a laughter to his voice. "Why don't you go upstairs and get us some towels?" Jim pointed at his soaked hair. "Ryo and I will finish this up."

When Johan was out of the room, Jim looked at Ryo.

"What?" He was stacking the cans in the cabinet. "Stop looking at me like that."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know." Jim handed Ryo some cans as he spoke.

"No, I don't."

"Make Johan feel better. I could never do that."

Ryo stopped, his hand seemed to be glued to the can before it slid off and hit the counter. Ryo was leaning on it and his shoulders seemed to meet as his head dropped. "Please, I don't want to talk about this now."

"How is that?"

Ryo suddenly threw his hand out and knocked over the cup of eating utensils. Jim thought he was being violent, until he saw a photo in an elegant, black frame.

Johan and Ryo were standing outside a stadium and Johan was holding up a second place prize and Ryo held up first place.

Ryo was pointing at it. "_That_ is what I did. _That_ is what I destroyed." He turned on Jim. "Do you know how long it took me to move on?! Do you know how much it hurts to know he's got you?! Do you know?! Do you even care?!"

Jim backed up a step. Ryo's eyes were....

"Jim, I destroyed _that_ that we had! I can't...." Ryo suddenly put his hand up and covered most of his face, his fingers spread out. He gripped his head and sank to the floor. He wasn't moving and his shoulders didn't shake.

Jim was frozen to the spot when--

"RYO! JIM! HELP!"

The two of them looked up. They darted up the stairs and Jim, being first, stopped.

A man with a black hood and a plastic mask was standing there, holding Johan with a knife. He proceeded out the window, faster. He probably did it on purpose, but he flung Johan around, cutting his hand on the glass. Johan yelped and the man covered his mouth and jumped off the short roof.

Jim and Ryo ran to the window and watched helplessly as the man darted across the street and vanished into the grove on the outskirts of the park.

Jim withdrew and sank onto the bed. It took him a moment before he realized he was in Ryo's room. He looked around.

The walls were almost bare, save for one, framed photo. There was one lamp on the floor and a dresser. There wasn't a door for a closet. The bed was pretty much right under the second window, that wasn't broken, and had a blanket, no sheet, and a plain white pillow. There wasn't anything outstanding about it, just like the single sofa downstairs.

Jim's eyes wandered back to the photo.

Johan was jumping onto Ryo's back in the photo. They were in the park just across the street. The smile they shared looked warmer and kinder than the smile Ryo had given Johan in the kitchen just a moment ago. Johan was soaking wet and Ryo was throwing a bucket out of sight. They looked like a happy couple.

A real happy couple.

Jim suddenly pitched forward and his hands caught his face and the pain hit him. He didn't sob like normal people. He was silent and it didn't help that his body was naturally stiff. He finally composed his face and stood up. "We have to do something."

"What do you suggest we do?" Ryo asked. He hadn't moved from his spot and was looking out the broken window. "He could be anywhere by now. Johan's probably going to be okay. We just have to find out how to get to him."

"And how do we do that?!" Jim asked, from the bathroom. He was wiping his face. He was just putting the towel down when he noticed another picture he hadn't really seen before. It was in the upper left corner of the mirror and was small. Jim took it down and stared at it.

Johan was sitting proper and was dressed in a suit. He looked absolutely handsome. This portrait of him was....

"I can't stop."

Jim looked at Ryo in the reflection of the mirror. "Stop what?"

"Johan just won't let me go. Those memories haunt me. They're all over the house to remind me that Johan is always forgiving, that he gave me more chances than I deserved. After all I've said, he just stands there like we're best friends all over again."

Jim swallowed. "How far did you get?" He turned to face Ryo.

He was looking down the stairs as he leaned on the door frame. "I can't say. It's too painful. But I'll give you a hint." He pointed at the stairs. "I nearly lost it on those steps. He was right by my side. My first loss. I nearly lose it now. But I sit there and it makes me feel better."

"You've lived here a while?"

"Yes. Nearly two years." Ryo pushed off the frame and started down the stairs. "I'll make a phone call to see if they'll help."

"Okay." Jim knew who "they" was and wasn't going to fight Ryo. He looked at the photo in his hand and his heart fluttered. Johan had such a stoic face, such a beautiful face. He didn't know why it made him flutter so. It just felt good for him.

"Jim! Are you coming back down?!"

"Not right now!" He reached up and stuck the photo back in the corner. He looked at his reflection and started to undo the bandages around his head. As they fell away, he stared at the gleam looking back at him. It was hard to say, but Jim actually felt like that would drive Johan away faster than anything else. "Johan.... Johan, I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and reached up, touching the scar just under his eye. It was hard, coarse under his fingers.

It was beautiful.

But painful.

He sighed and made his way down the stairs. He got half way and stopped.

"No! You listen to me. I'm not going to show up tonight! I have something important to do."

Pause.

"No! Don't think you'll control me. Stop!"

Pause.

"Shut it! I don't want to hear it! This is important to ME! He's close. Don't--"

Longer pause.

"NO! I said I won't."

Short pause and then--

"Fine, break down my door. I could care less. You can drag me tooth and nail back there, but I won't. I won't! No! Shut it! Shut up! I'll do this and you can shoot me later!"

SLAM!

Jim took the last steps carefully. He saw Ryo sitting in the corner under the photo of him and Johan. He was covering his face with both hands and a cell phone on the floor beside him.

Ryo pressed his hands into his eyes. The heels of his palms made for a good wipe of his tears. He wiped it off on his pants before he grabbed his cell phone. He looked up at Jim as a tear fell down his face. "Whatever you're thinking, save it."

Jim didn't say anything. Someone should be crying for Johan.

And that should've been him.

But Ryo was the one crying.

A tear slid down Jim's face as another tear fell from Ryo's eyes.

There they were, standing face-to-face. Two of a kind. One and the same. Both striving for something they want; Johan Anderson, the European Champion Duelist. They wanted him to come back. To be.... Johan.

* * *

**A/N: **do not be surprised.... ah, well, let's see what you guys think.... reviews welcome! any and all. i'll see what you guys want me to do with this :D


	5. Chapter 4: Knowing and Learning

**A/N:** o.o;; okay, okay, so, i confused you? sorry =__= it's called "mystery" for a reason.... and it makes me wanna pull my hair out.... a lot.

* * *

Johan stirred and looked up. He didn't understand.

His head was throbbing hard and he didn't know where he was. All he knew was that one sliver of light was coming from some distance above him and he was unable to sit up or move real well. He looked down.

'_Who's hand is this? What's this? Why am...._'

Johan couldn't keep the train of thought. He saw the bloody bandages on his hand and thought that something must've happened....

"Ah, lookie lookie, you're awake."

Johan looked up again. It was that voice that Jim claimed was Judai, the Central Academy liaison. But something looked strangely scary about this guy.

He had a gruff, older voice and had something like a scar across his left hand, the only one in the light. He wore black jeans and thick, army boots. His top was mostly black, or otherwise a dark color. There was mud on his boots, which, in turn, made him look more rugged.

"You won't remember, but I'm glad you came around. Or else Jim and Ryo wouldn't have anything to go on."

Johan's mind was blank. "Who am I?"

"Ah, yes, you wouldn't know...." The man knelt just out of the light's reach. "You've just turned ten, little one. I remember where you were. Ah, yes, well, time to give Jim a call and see if he'll believe more of my lies."

Johan didn't understand. "Who's Jim?"

"You won't know. I won't let you know." The man stood up and there was a loud, crashing, BANG as he closed a door.

Johan looked at the bandaged hand. '_Who's Jim? Why didn't he tell me a name? Is my name really "little one"? Who...._'

---Ryo and Jim---

Ryo grabbed Jim's collar. "Will you _stop_ that?!"

Jim put his feet together. He had been pacing up and down. Now, he didn't know what to think.

"Jim," Ryo said, exasperated. "Look, why were you and Johan at odds before?"

Jim stopped and looked away, ashamed. "Someone told me he was cheating on me."

"Oh, so that's what this is about? Do you realize Johan is a loyal person? Once you give him a reason to trust you, you'll have no problems. Johan never betrays anyone, unless they've stabbed him a million times over." Ryo suddenly looked at Jim curiously. "Why would you doubt him? Has he ever shown signs of being displeased with you?"

That froze Jim to the core. "No." His wide eyes began to tear. "Johan never.... I was more displeased with...."

Ryo smirked. "Ah, yes, I remember _that_ feeling. I caused a lot of problems because of _that_."

Jim looked at Ryo. It was impossible. Ryo seemed to know everything about Johan. Again, he asked.... "How deep did you to get?"

Ryo shook his head. "Do you know _anything_ about Johan?"

Jim blinked. "What?"

"What's Johan's favorite color?"

Jim shrugged.

"What time of day does Johan prefer?"

Again, no answer.

"What's his favorite dessert? What is Johan afraid of? Do you even know what Johan does when he's not dueling?"

Jim realized the only things he'd ever known about Johan was this; Johan was sixteen-years-old, his favorite TV show was a drama about real life, he hated green onions, and despised people who fit in like a cookie in a mold.

Ryo scratched his head. "This Judai seems to think Johan and you aren't good together." He noticed Jim's blank face at that. He changed subject. "Johan's favorite color is purple, his favorite dessert is strawberries over ice cream. Johan likes twilight, because it's a nice sky. He's afraid of what's in the dark and being alone."

Jim gawked at Ryo. "And you're sure you're not still together, mate?"

"Well, same could be asked about you. You sure you're all in with him? Or are you just bluffing?"

Jim suddenly withdrew.

"Sirs?"

They turned to the officer standing at the counter now. He was quite handsome and had a slightly familiar voice to Jim. He had beautiful blue eyes and sandy brown hair. He had lean, muscular arms and a toned body. He stood tall and strong.

"This is the officer taking care of your case. Why don't you help them?"

The man came over and smiled at the two of them. "Hi. I'm sorry if my Russian isn't great."

Ryo coughed once before switching to English. "I can tell."

Jim gave the man a quick smile. "It's okay. We speak English."

"Oh, no wonder they told me to get into this case." He smiled brightly and held his hand out. "My name is Kraig Lasher."

Jim stared at Kraig for a long pause before he shook the outstretched hand. "James Cook."

Ryo didn't introduce himself. Kraig seemed to be used to that. "So, what's the problem?"

---Johan---

He pulled himself up to the wall. His hand was sore and hurt like a witch. For probably the umpteenth time, Johan rubbed it.

His aqua eyes started to tear. Who was he? How had he gotten here? Where was here? What was going on? When had he forgotten? Well, he wouldn't know. He didn't even know his own name. But the cloths he was wearing....

A lavender shirt, an orange vest, a pair of dark brown jeans, a pair of pure white boots, and a belt with a strange box on it. He had to figure out who he was. He had to know what was going on. But how could he figure that out when he didn't know?

He started to cry again. He wanted someone to tell him his name.

'_A name is more than a word. A name is something that helps people define you. You'll always be great and people will have a label for you. You've come so far...! I'm so happy that you asked about your name...._'

Johan covered his ears and curled up. He shook his head and his wailing echoed up and across the room he was in. He didn't want this. He didn't know anything.

Nothing.

* * *

**A/N:** see? pull your hair out and you'll be bald before twenty! -pulling hair out- i need to stop doing this to you guys.


	6. Chapter 5: Time For Memories

Jim kicked the bottom step. He flopped down before he looked over his shoulder.

Ryo was staring off into space, or trying to memorize the wooden wall above the stairs. He was flipping a small paper crane between his fingers. He would stop and rub it's wings with his thumbs. To which he would just start flipping it through his fingers again. Ryo must've really been off in another world.

Ryo was actually remembering.

---_flashback_---

"Ryo! Ryo, what happened?!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he roared.

The European wouldn't. He grabbed Ryo's wrist and spun him about. "No, not until you tell me!"

"I lost! Okay?! I lost at that stupid tournament today! I lost to someone who showed me that I'm a disrespecting, back-stabbing, no-good--!"

Johan had lurched forward and kissed Ryo with a gentleness and kindness that always startled Ryo. He stumbled back and fell to the stairs. Johan sank with him. "No, you're not."

"You wouldn't know! You don't know anything. Why would you care? You'll get to move up in rank! Why don't you just leave me alone?!"

"Because if I leave you alone, you'll never wake up tomorrow." Johan wrapped his arms around Ryo's neck and drew him in close. "Whispers, rumors, tabloids. Everything's going to be okay, so long as you know who you are." Johan kissed Ryo's crown. "I'll be right here, I promise."

Ryo suddenly pushed Johan back and slapped him. "Don't say that! You won't be! You've never been there when I needed you!"

Johan just smiled. The red mark on his face was clear as day and it obviously would've hurt someone else. Johan just smiled. "I've always been here. I'm always going to be here. Don't be angry. I still love you." He reached out, his arms wide open. He held his arms out to Ryo.

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I love you, Ryo-kun. I love you and always will. Come, let me hold you until the tears go away."

---_end_---

Ryo felt someone shaking his shoulder. He sat up and looked at Jim as some of his hair fell over his right eye. His right arm straightened and his left hand touched his face. A tear made his hand wet and he stared at it.

"Ryo, here." Jim handed Ryo the phone.

"Hello?"

"Ah, so, you're Ryo!"

Ryo ran a hand through his hair and looked at the number. "Who's this?"

They hung up, but not before he heard a child screaming in the background.

Jim shrugged. "That was Judai. He just called to see how I was and you started talking in your sleep. How can you sleep on the stairs, mate?"

"Don't call me that. I'm not a good friend of yours." Ryo slapped Jim's hand away and shoved passed him. '_That wasn't Judai. Judai's voice is kinder._' He went into the kitchen and poured a cup of water and watched the surface become glass. His mind was stuck in that time, when he and Johan were together. When Johan could easily laugh at anything Ryo would say.

But Ryo let Johan go the night he became Hell Kaiser. He'd destroyed everything that night. He'd come home and--

---Johan---

He hit the ground. His body was shaking and he reached out to find the wall. Suddenly--

WHAM!

Johan screamed.

The man was standing on Johan's hand. "Now, little boy, why don't we see what hurts, hm?" He picked up Johan. "I can't believe I lost to the likes of you. How did you manage that?!"

Johan gave a little whimper as the man held his shirt front and slammed him against the wall. "You.... you're hurting me." He kept his eyes closed. Those blue eyes. He was starting to remember his life. He could see Ryo's eyes looking back at him most of the time.

But who was this? Someone was talking in his ear. Someone whispered gently in his ear. He knew this voice. It was a gentle voice. It was asking him....

Johan's eyes flew open.

"You're not...."

The man's eyes widened. "You.... NO!"

Johan suddenly threw his arms over his face to protect him from a blow that never came.

"I know what you are! You're not normal! You made that--!"

Johan's eyes exploded with stars. Something had knocked his head real good and he staggered away from the man. "I know who you are. You're the officer that wasn't too happy Jim and I were...." He staggered sideways. '_He's the one who hurt you, Jim. You asked me if I still loved you after all that. I will, I do, and I'm not going anywhere._'

The man glared down his nose at Johan. "No, I won't lose to the likes of _you_ again! I'm taking Jim as my own, and I'll kill your buddy while I'm at it."

---Jim---

He was restless, so, he'd been cleaning Ryo's kitchen, something he hated doing, period. But he'd sneezed and a dish slipped and plunked back into the water.

"You okay?"

Jim froze up. "Yeah."

Ryo hadn't moved from his spot on the stairs. He was still staring at the wall and still playing with the paper crane in his hands. He didn't even look at Jim. He didn't do anything, until--

RING

They both jumped. Ryo reached over the rail and scooped his cell phone off the top of the fridge. He put it on speaker phone. "Hello?"

"Ryo, good! We've got a lead on Johan. Officer Kraig wasn't responding, so, we think he's in over his head. Also, is Jim there?"

"Present," Jim replied.

Ryo held the phone between them.

"It would seem that Johan's medical records came in. Did either of you know that he's partially chimera?"

Jim blinked. "You mean like head of a lion--"

"--and a snake tail?" Ryo finished.

They stared at each other.

"Something like that. A human chimera has a mixture of DNA. Johan's came up as both his father's and sister's. It would seem some part of Johan is female. All the same, it would also explain his height. Now, for the reason I brought this up. If Johan's injured too severely, there's a chance he may die of internal bleeding. This is a theory, since all signs say it's Johan's skeleton that's female."

Jim's eye widened and Ryo closed his, pinching the bridge of his nose. "How bad?" they asked.

"If we're lucky, Johan can survive until tonight. If he doesn't, there's no chance of getting him back alive."

Jim and Ryo had an agreeing look. Without breaking each other's gaze....

"Find him."

* * *

**A/N:** o.o?


	7. Chapter 6: Found You!

"Stop."

"No."

Pause.

"Don't say it again."

"Stop."

"ARGH! I said--"

"Then actually do it."

Pause.

Lo~ong pause.

"Fine!"

Jim sat down and waited.

They had gotten a call, just about five minutes after they'd hung up with the police department, saying that they needed to wait in the park.

Jim had gotten antsy and had started pacing. He and Ryo were both wearing coats. The only thing that set them apart was that Ryo's was long and Jim's was short, only to his waist. Jim didn't really think Ryo needed it. Ryo had probably grown used to the cold.

"Jim?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you hate Johan so much?"

Jim looked at Ryo. He was looking at a couple standing by the small grove, making out. It was obvious it was a set of girls, but one was dressed like a man. Jim watched them, his mind glued to the memory of when Johan had showed Jim a dress at a store and had lead to a small "make-out" session in the changing room.

"Jim?"

"I never could hate him for very long."

Ryo gave a soft laugh. "Oh?"

"I don't get something, mate," Jim said, leaning forward.

"What?"

"How can he _not_ hate me? I said I hate him. I don't know why he hides his hate for me."

"He still loves you. After everything you've said. Johan just doesn't know how to hate someone. You could learn from that."

Jim was about to say something when his right eye flared with pain. He covered it and doubled over. Ryo put a hand on his back. Jim felt the pain instantly fade. "What--?!"

Ryo's eyes were dark, cold almost. "Bas--!"

Jim covered Ryo's mouth with both hands as two little girls went running passed with a set of tennis balls. "What was that?"

"You tell me. You seem to know where Johan is!" Ryo grabbed Jim's shirt front. "How would you know that?!"

"I don't know." The pain seared through his head and it felt like he was about to get a splitting headache as his brain exploded. "Ow, ow, ow!" He shook his head.

Ryo's eyes grew darker. "I know him."

Jim realized Ryo wasn't looking at him and had let go. The duo watched a shadowy figure approaching. He stopped just out of earshot. There was a rather large duffel bag behind him. He dropped one handle and turned away.

Just then, Jim's cell phone rang. He picked up.

"Jim?"

He jumped. "Judai?"

"Yeah. Hey, I found Johan."

There was a soft sob and Jim's heart sank. "Johan?! Can you hear me?!"

Ryo grabbed the phone. "I know you're not Judai. I've met him before. Who is this?!"

"I'm right here. Say goodbye to Johan."

They saw the figure throw something and then pick up the duffel bag. Someone screamed from inside.

Ryo knew that scream.... "JOHAN!"

Jim realized the pain he felt wasn't his own. Johan must have a splitting headache.

Ryo charged the man, but he threw Johan away, into the rush hour traffic....

* * *

**A/N:** sorry... had to leave it at a cliff hanger for a bit.... *writing the next chapter because she wants Johan and Jim/Ryo to be reunited soon*


	8. Chapter 7: Dreaming Memories

Jim dove for it and caught the bag as his back slammed into the hood of a squealing car.

Ryo was glad, but he spear-headed the man. The hood fell off as the two fell to the ground and Ryo turned him over. "Kraig. Right, you're not Kraig." He brought his fist back and it made contact several times. "Why?! What did you do that for?!"

"Kraig" reached up and touched Ryo's face. "I wanted to see you before...." His eyes became distant and looked like fogged glass. "Before I lost you again."

Ryo stopped and realized Kraig was already dying. "How long?"

"I don't know." Kraig smiled at Ryo. "Kaiser, I loved you for, oh, I don't know, forever."

Ryo knew that smile and gave an angry glare in return. "I beat you and you wanted my heart?! What kind of crack-head takes hostage an ex-boyfriend for that?!"

Jim suddenly yelled for Ryo.

Ryo ditched the stranger and ran to Jim and the duffel bag.

Johan was bleeding from his left forehead, right hand, and nose. His left leg looked broken, as well as both his hands and his right arm. There were marks on his neck from being strangled. It was obvious he was in pain, because he was crying.

It wasn't that Johan was older. It wasn't that Johan was so beaten.

It was his eyes, wide and lifeless.

Ryo knelt down. "Johan...?"

Jim touched Ryo's arm. "He's alive, but he's barely breathing. Call an ambulance. I'll try my best to help him breath."

Ryo nodded and pulled out his cell phone. He called for an ambulance and noticed several people had stopped to help. "Is anyone here a nurse or doctor?!" he called, over the noise of the rain coming down, now of all times, and the chatter.

Two nurses came forward, obviously heading home. They started working in cooperation to help the poor boy breath.

Ryo and Jim held each of Johan's hands, for moral support. It was as if everything had been taken away. There wasn't any betrayal. No harsh words were flung at anybody. It was as if there wasn't anything negative between the trio. Johan's eyes remained wide open the whole time....

---two hours later---

Johan's eyes slowly opened. He groaned and tried to move his hands to his face.... and realized--

Jim and Ryo stood up on either side. They leaned over to take a good look at Johan's face.

Johan gasped and then choked. The face mask pumped oxygen into his body and the monitors signaled his heart had been racing fast. When he was able to calm down, he looked up at them again. This time, he smiled at them. "Hi."

Jim's heart skipped a beat.

Ryo, on the other hand, flushed so bright he put stop signs to shame. He leaned over and kissed Johan's forehead. "It's okay. We'll be here for a while."

Johan nodded. "Thanks, Kaiser."

They both stopped and stared at him.

Johan gently moved his hands away from theirs and reached under his shirt. He pulled out a silver chain. There was a crocodile eating a dragon and vise-versa. There was also a gold, oval-shaped locket right beside a pendant shaped like two wings. "These. I felt them touch me when he hurt me."

Ryo remembered the wings. He didn't remember the locket or the dragon and crocodile.

Jim recognized the crocodile. It had been from the photos he'd shown Johan of Shirley, his family pet. But neither knew what the locket was.

Johan tried to open it, but he was too groggy and tired and weak to open it. He was about to give up when Ryo touched his hand. He looked at Ryo.

"Here." He opened it and dropped it. His hands were shaking. "That's...."

Jim saw the photos.

Ryo was laughing on one side, during the time he and Johan had been showing of first and second place in the tournament. Jim was smiling with his mouth wide open on the roller coaster he'd been on with Johan.

Johan smiled. "I.... couldn't forget.... you." He closed his eyes again.

Jim closed the locket and tucked it back under Johan's shirt. Ryo leaned on the rail, his head down and his hands gripping the rail, turning his knuckles white. "That must hurt," Jim said, looking at Ryo's white knuckles.

"That son of a gun. I'm going to kill him." Ryo turned away and Jim grabbed his wrist. "No, let's leave that to fate."

Ryo looked at Jim. "You seem to think karma is good to Johan. How do you think he ended up like that? Johan's karma is reversed. For every good thing he does, a bad thing happens to him. Someone has to protect him."

"And that would be you?"

"Someone has to!"

Jim gripped firmly on Ryo's wrist. "No. We belong here, with Johan. Let the rest of the world take care of that."

Johan made a little groan and the two looked down. He looked uncomfortable, like something was hurting him real bad. He relaxed after he shifted around a bit and his face became stoic and soft.

"I'll wait. I don't want to worry him," Ryo finally said.

Jim released him. "Let's go get something to eat. Maybe that will help."

---_Johan's dream_---

He looked up and then down. Where was he?

He could see the ocean. There was someone around the corner. He didn't want them to see him.

Ruby appeared and ran off. She disappeared towards where the person was. Johan chased her and then stopped. He looked over his shoulder and saw a boat on the ocean. It was a nice cruise liner. It looked safe and warm over there. He wanted to be over there. He watched it and his heart fluttered. Someone special was on that ship and he was going to start all over again with that person.

He heard someone talking and knew it as Japanese. He turned the corner and held his hand to his mouth. "oi, Ruby!"

She came running back to him. He watched her come over and felt her perch on his shoulder. He smiled at her and noticed the other person. He was trying to see the face, but he saw nothing.

The scene dissolved and he was standing alone.

It was the curb outside Ryo's house. Johan reached the top step and unlocked the door.

The house was dark and cold. The kitchen light flickered slightly.

Johan saw Ryo sitting on the stairs. His hands were clasped together and the thumb knuckles pressed into the corners of his eyes, where it met the bridge of his nose. He was soaking wet from the rain and it dripped down the wooden planks.

Johan smiled as if Ryo could see him. "Ryo-kun?"

Ryo didn't budge and Johan was afraid Ryo was angry with him. Johan's hand was closing in on Ryo's when he spoke up. "Leave."

"What?"

"Go."

Johan knelt below Ryo. He put his hand on Ryo's knee. "Ryo-kun, what's wrong?"

Ryo stood up and grabbed Johan's collar. He threw the bluenett down the stairs and marched after him. "Leave me alone! Get out of my house. Leave. Go. Now!"

Johan looked up at Ryo. He didn't cower in fear, he stood up and faced Ryo down. He wasn't going to lose him, not again. He formed the words, but nothing came. He saw Ryo's hand rise as a fist and he knew the pain was coming.

This wasn't Ryo. Those blue eyes were dark, evil, almost murderous. They were the eyes of Hell Kaiser. They were eyes that made Johan fear Ryo....

Johan covered his ears and screamed.


	9. Chapter 8: All Together Now!

**A/N:** surprise.... Dark Mage Girl Xion has a small part in this chapter.... small........ ish.

Note: 1.) "Becca" or Beccara is Dark Mage Girl Xion's property XD 2.) Juanita Jones is yonie's idea 3.) Heroshipping (Edo/Judai) and Cowboyshipping (Jim/Johan) are only hinted at in this chapter.... because i want to.... so there X3 4.) Alice, Marth, and Ike are mine.... don't ask....

* * *

Ryo put his feet up and his head back. This was impossible. He couldn't bear it anymore.

He got up and walked to the door.

Where was Jim?

Johan was still in rehab and Ryo had said he'd wait. Jim had said he'd show up "early". Early was five hours ago.

Ryo froze.

A brunette was bounding towards him, towing a gray-haired, ruffled young man. The bright-blue-eyed, gray-haired boy grabbed a pillar and there was a soft pop as the brunette was swept off his feet, landing on his back.

"Stop running, god--"

"EDO! That hurt!" The brunette's brown eyes showed signs of tears.

Edo crossed his arms. "Then tell me, Judai, why are you jumping off walls like that?!"

Ryo sighed and walked up tot he duo. "What?"

Edo withdrew slightly. He was afraid of Ryo for his very dark exterior. He wasn't a kindly man to those who beat him, and Edo was one of those. "Ryo...."

"Edo."

Judai didn't seem to feel the coldness between them and shook Ryo's hand. "We came here to see the Australian champion, James Cook."

"Present."

Judai bounded over to Jim. Ryo noticed how short Judai and Edo looked next to Jim.

Johan staggered sideways and Ryo scooped him up. "My legs hurt. Can I go lie down?" he asked.

Ryo nodded. "I still don't get how you remember."

"I told you, my pendants." Johan held them out. Johan suddenly winced and pulled his arm back in.

Ryo quickly set Johan on the bed. Ryo checked to see of Johan wanted a nurse to take a look at his arm.

Johan shook his head. "It's okay. It just stung when I moved it too high."

Ryo sighed and sat beside Johan. "If only we could go back, huh?"

"There's no such thing as going back. If there was, then I would've gone back and done many things different."

There was a commotion outside and both males stared at the door. Someone was screaming like bloody murder and someone was arguing with someone else. The door was flung open and a young girl, who looked about thirteen, stumbled in. Her dark blue hair was reflected by her dark blue eyes. She had a proceline face with the airbrushed rouge on her face and the full, red lips. She wore a black shirt and jeans under a dark blue jacket with a silver stud on the collar. She wore heeled boots.

Behind her, a red-head was arguing with Jim about something. She tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear that clashed magnificently with her orange and red top and her wine-red hair and her ocean-blue eyes. Another thing about her was that she wore black jeans and sneakers, rather than boots.

Jim was about to say something when Ryo recognized the girl.

He stood up and held his hand out. "Marth, pleasure to see you again. Where's Ike?"

"Downstairs, eating, again." Marth smiled warmly at Johan. "Hello."

Johan waved, but narrowed his eyes. He could've sworn he'd met her before.

"What's your name?"

"Me? Oh, I'm Marth Yeager. Ike's 'wife', since he married me yesterday." Marth bounded over to Johan. Much like Johan, Marth could've been mistake for a very beautiful boy, a shonen. Johan was often mistaken for a shojo, since he wore a somewhat girlie shirt. "I dueled you right before you got your Crystal Beast Cards. Remember?"

"And you beat me." Johan smiled and started swinging his legs. "I'm glad to meet you again."

"You're not going to ask why he's so small?" Ryo asked.

"Oh, no. I know why. Kraig had something of mine that was supposed to have been destroyed. Dang, Johan's so tiny."

"I can hear you!" Johan said, loud and clear, raising a hand to show he was still present. "Johan's right here!"

Hearing that made Ryo want to ask Johan something....

Johan read Ryo's eyes like he always did and smiled. "I was taught that I needed to be a proper man. Alice and I grew up knowing how to be proper. I just spent too much time outside of the house while on school tournaments and stuff. Alice is much more proper."

Suddenly, a bullhorn went off and everyone was silent.

"Alice!"

She certainly had the same eyes as Johan. Her face was more heart-shaped and her hair was longer. She wasn't curved like Asuka was, but she wasn't straight down like a guy. She had a very innocent thing about her. She was kind and dressed in a dark purple dress. She saw Johan and giggled.

Ryo gawked at her. "That's Alice? Somehow I pictured her...."

"More like a blond?" Jim said.

"You two act like you've never seen a sibling," Juanita said, setting the bullhorn down.

Jim faltered. "Well...."

Ryo and Johan looked at him.

Jim flushed and dove for his Deck Box. He flipped through some of them and took out a picture. "Here, this is my older 'sister', in comparison to Shirley, my younger 'sister', okay?"

Ryo and Johan put their heads together to look at the photo. She was laughing, so her eyes were closed. Her black hair was rippled behind her. Jim was lifting her on his shoulders and the duo were at some park. She really looked happy.

"That is one of only three times I've ever seen her smile, so...."

Ryo smiled. "She's hot."

Jim snatched it away. "No!"

Johan giggled and it sounded like a girl. He held his arms up. "Alice! Alice!"

"Johan, you're so cute." Alice picked up her brother and hugged him, twirling around. She didn't seem to care that Johan was smaller than her, she was just happy it was her brother. She put Johan down. "What happened to you?"

Johan shrugged. He reached up at Ryo. "Help me up. I want to sit on the bed again, Kaiser."

"Oh, so _you're_ the infamous Kaiser." Juanita put her hand on her hips. She glared him down. "You're not exactly what I pictured. I pictured you taller and...." She looked down. "Bigger."

Jim had to look away. He was blushing slightly and laughing under his breath.

Ryo put Johan on the bed and was about to pull away when Johan's small hands touched his face. He stopped and felt Johan's small lips touch his and his face flushed so bright he felt like he might burn Johan's little hands. When Johan stopped, Ryo touched his lips and then smiled warmly at Johan. "Well, you're welcome, little Johan."

Johan smiled happily and puckered his lips again. "Kissy kiss!"

Alice smiled. "Oh! We came with Judai. He doesn't like coming to hospitals alone. Juanita caused a big fuss when Ike and Marth ran into us downstairs. Judai, this is Johan and Jim, the two champions."

Judai smiled and picked up Johan, lifting him high. "Wow! So kawaii, ne, ne, ne?!" He was holding Johan in front of Edo. "kawaii, ne? KAWAII~I!"

Edo put a hand over Judai's mouth. "Hush up. Yes, cute. Now put him back before Ryo gets you good."

Judai gasped and held Johan close, meekly looking back at Ryo, who was just standing there with his arms crossed. Judai ran back and accidentally threw Johan high, making him miss the end of the bed. "ACK! NO!"

Ryo dove and put his body under Johan's. He cushioned the fall and held Johan close. He felt it, Johan was shivering, shaking. Apparently, being airborne made Johan scared. He clung to Ryo's jacket. Ryo slowly stood up, Johan's legs dangling off his right arm. He gently rocked Johan until he stopped crying. "Sh, I'm right here." He kissed Johan's forehead as Johan fell asleep in his arms. "Don't do that," he said in a whisper.

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**A/N:** okay, now you can sue me, Dark Mage Girl Xion..... I HAD TO PUT BECCARA IN! SHE'S SO AWESOME! -still reading Dark Mage Girl Xion's story "Two Hearts"-


	10. Chapter 9: Johan's Room?

**A/N:** this will be the last for a while.... i've kinda run into a small "hiccup".... anyways, enjoy this chap. in the meantime, i'm going to talk to myself and my computer.... since i'm trying to make a Cowboyshipping video.... and my computer's being a pain.... deleting chapters and all.

* * *

Ryo stirred and looked down. Johan wasn't in his arms and he sat up.

Jim was lying on the ground, his face reddening and blood pooling just under him. Ryo jumped off the bed and knelt beside Jim, who groaned and looked up at Ryo. "Johan...."

Ryo ground his teeth together. "Kraig must've had friends." He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "I'm not waiting. Let me get the nurse to check on you." He threw the door open and stopped. There was a nurse standing at the door at gun-point. "Who--?"

"Duel me, right here, in the hallway. I want you to tell me how to get Johan to stop crying!"

Ryo gritted his teeth and pulled out his Duel Disk. "Fine."

---Johan---

He groaned and shook his head. He slowly got up and felt a throb in his head. Two days ago, Johan felt fine. Now, he felt like dirt.

He touched his head and realized there was something over his eyes. He slowly pulled it up and realized he was looking up at Kraig, again. He gasped and scooted back. He didn't want to be near Kraig again. Never again.

"You, you're not getting away this time. I'm going to be sure that they never find you this time! I won't let you take him away from me again."

"Ryo! Jim!"

"Will wake up with a sore head tomorrow." Kraig gestured to the two men propped against the wall.

Ryo's nose looked broken and there was a red mark around his neck, like he'd been strangled. Jim had a bruise already forming on the right side of his face as well as several cuts to his hands and forearms. They both looked worse for wear.

Johan was about to call them when something hit him full in the face. He toppled backwards and hit the wall, exploding stars obscuring most of his vision. He grabbed his head and hissed in agony. He had to remember that he was still shorter than everybody and he was probably just as weak. He knew he was fast, though, and managed to get up and run away from the next attack.

He didn't see where he was going in the dark, concrete room and tripped. He went right over Jim's foot and landed on Ryo. He reached up and touched Jim's face and threw his arms around Jim's neck. "Jim, wake up," he whispered.

"Oh, no you don't!" Kraig grabbed Johan's arm and threw him clear across the room. Johan didn't know how far he flew, but he hit the wall and slid to the bottom, pain echoing in the room with his out-cry. "Shut up! He should've been mine! Mine alone! Not yours!"

"Stop! Please! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!"

---Jim and Ryo---

Jim turned around and Ryo stopped.

"Did you hear that?" he asked the black-clad duelist. "I heard someone scream."

"No."

"Okay, then I must be imagining--"

"No, I mean I didn't hear _someone_ scream, I heard Johan scream."

Jim sighed.

He had been thrust into this strange place. It was a long, gorgeous hallway, with white marble floors and empty, gold lacquer frames and a light that seemed to be coming from Ryo and Jim themselves. The hallway had no doors or windows and seemed to go on endlessly.

"Jim," Ryo said, suddenly grabbing Jim's arm.

Jim turned to see what Ryo was looking at.

There was a branching hallway. Ryo slowly put his hand out. The last branching hallway they'd come to was nothing more than a picture on a wall. This time, Ryo's arm vanished into the flickering light of the torches.

Jim and Ryo quickly moved down the short hallway to a door.

It was a tall door, probably thirteen, fourteen feet high, easy. It was rich cherry wood with an elegant carving of a goddess with something circling her, like a ring of light orbs. There wasn't a handle on the door, but Jim reached out for one anyways.

His hand grasped something and he turned. The door slowly creaked open and they came into a room that was much smaller than the door permitted. They stood there, looking around.

A mirrored wall reflected them and the highly polished wood floors were littered with exam papers and photos and odds and ends. The top half of the mirrored wall was covered with photos of people or places or cards or trophies. Along the far wall was a whole bunch of shelves dedicated to trophies, most of which were second or first place. There was a heap of cloth in the corner and it was surrounded by something dark that cast light away. A half empty glass of water stood just beyond the darkness.

Ryo advanced, being careful not to scare the thing under the blanket.

Suddenly--

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**A/N: **cliff hanger.... see if i get any reviews..... seems i'm not very popular.... not many of ya'll like meh story nuh mer.... -emo- anyways, i'll probably update this. until then, ja ne!


	11. Chapter 10: Come Back Please

**A/N:** to pick up where i left off....

* * *

"RYO! JIM!"

Johan was calling them, but he knew they wouldn't wake. He screamed and kicked all he could, but he was sore and bleeding. All he could do was pray they would wake and be safe once more....

---Ryo and Jim---

Ryo jumped and something was attached to his arm!

By reaction, Jim picked up a metal object, ready to whack the thing.... until they heard it speak....

"Ryo? Jim?"

It was Johan, sixteen-year-old, messy-haired, sleepy-eyed, wrinkled-clothing Johan. He was rubbing his eyes as he held Ryo's wrist. He gave a sleepy smile. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to look for you," Jim said, trying to sound convincing.

"Really? Am I in trouble?"

"No, no, no trouble," Ryo said, cradling Johan into his arms. "Just a little worried about you is all."

Jim knelt down, slowly putting the metal object back before realizing it was a solid, metal trophy that had fallen from the wall. He decided to prop it up beside the bookcase and join Ryo and Johan, who were doing nothing.

---Johan---

He was sobbing as Kraig lifted him into the bed of a truck. He heard the door slam and winced. His shins were broken, through and through, as well as his right arm and a few of his ribs, but he was still alive. Unable to move, but breathing. He was upset and wanted nothing more than to see the sun and be warmed by it.

But the moon shone harshly on him as the truck pulled away from the warehouse. He wanted it to go away. He wanted everyone to just go away.

NO! He wanted Ryo and Jim.

Kraig was forcing the thought in that Johan was unwanted, but Johan had to make himself believe he was wanted. He must be wanted, or else why would Jim and Ryo care so much as to come and see him?

He closed his eyes to the harsh moon and focused on their faces. He was going to remember them for as long as he could. It would be the least he could do for them....

---Judai---

"Hm...." he sighed. He swung his legs over the edge of the railing and started rocking, back and forth. Edo was standing across the aisle, his arms folded, his head bowed, and his foot tapping on the floor. "Edo?"

"What?" he asked.

"Where are they? Johan and Jim were supposed to be here with Ryo already. You don't think something's happened, do you?"

"How would I know? Let's go outside and wait. This room is making me antsy."

Judai hopped down and took Edo's hand. Secretly, they were together. Judai missed Edo when he would go on his little tournament tours, but they were still together and still going strong, despite the distance. Edo loved it because it gave him a reason to show off.

They came out the doors and sat on a bench near the street.

A lone, dark gray truck was going by and Judai and Edo watched it go, being sure to keep contact to a minimum while it went. Judai had a gut-wrenching feeling that he knew that driver, but he didn't say anything. They watched it go around the corner to the docks.

---Johan---

He felt Kraig stop the truck, but he kept his eyes closed. He didn't want to see.

Until he felt hands lift him without opening the back door.

Johan watched Kraig with pleading eyes. He could barely breath now. He knew it was coming. It was coming soon.

"I won't lose to you now." Kraig's hands came up and Johan felt weightless and he knew what Kraig was doing. He closed his eyes, knowing it would hurt when he hit the water. It was going to be painful. He heard Kraig say something, but the rush of air drowned it out....

'_Ryo, Jim? Are you going to miss me? Please don't miss me._'


	12. Chapter 11: Go Back

**A/N:** since i didn't update for five days, two chapters for ya'll ^-^;;

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Jim and Ryo had woken from their sleep to find bloody hand prints all over them. Jim realized they were smaller, meaning it was Johan.

They looked at each other and then scrambled out the door. A motorcycle was standing nearby and Ryo took the helmet. "Drive," he told Jim.

Jim didn't need to be told twice. He hit the gas and pretty much whizzed off.

Before they'd woken, Johan had showed them where he was. They knew where the dock was and they were going to have to save Johan, all over again.

Ryo's hand, which gripped Jim's sides, turned white-knuckled as they got closer. The duo saw Edo and Judai waiting on a bench and Jim didn't slow down. He actually amped the gas and Ryo looked away. How could he face a happy couple so soon? He couldn't even look.

Jim suddenly touched Ryo's hand. It was gentle, warming, loving. "Hush, we'll make it, Ryo. I won't let him get away like this. Kraig or whatever his name is, won't get away with this. He's gone too far."

Ryo smiled behind the black visor of the helmet. "I know."

---Johan---

He could see the sun coming up and welcomed it before it felt like he'd hit concrete. It hurt and he let out a cry.

As his body sank beneath the waves, Johan saw something black lunge off the edge of the dock and he watched it splash into the water after him. What was that? Who was that?

It swam right for him and he realized, as it reached for him, that it was Ryo. Ryo had such momentum that his jump off the dock had propelled him nearly twenty feet into the water, which was ten feet short of Johan, but close.

Johan watched Ryo as the taller boy wrapped his arms around Johan. He guided him up to the surface, moving just fast enough to get him there quickly and not cause any damage from the pressure. When they broke the surface, Johan coughed and closed his eyes.

---Jim and Ryo---

He let the bike skid and rushed to the edge of the dock. He leaned over and held out a hand to Ryo. As he pulled the teal-haired boy out, his eyes fell on Johan. Johan was small again. He was just barely big enough to be three.

Jim didn't waste any time and quickly exchanged his dry shirt for Johan's soaking wet one. Ryo took his jacket off the pavement and wrapped Johan in that.

Kraig gave a dismaying cry. Jim looked back and was about to tell him off when Ryo stood up.

He intercepted Kraig.

Kraig put a hand on Ryo to move him aside. Ryo would have none of it.

He twisted and pulled Kraig back around and threw him against the truck. With that momentum, he grabbed Kraig's collar and started choking him against the side of the truck. He reached into his back pocket and took out a switch blade.

"Do you know what unspeakable things I can do to you with this?" he asked.

Jim didn't stop Ryo, but he picked up Johan. Judai and Edo came up in Edo's car. The duo stepped out and were shocked at the sight.

Jim in a tank top holding a bundle in Ryo's jacket. Ryo holding a switch blade up to some strange guy's neck. The strange guy looking at the bundle in Jim's arms.

Edo shook his head. "I don't want to know what Ryo's doing, but what are you doing, Jim?"

Jim shook his head in turn. "We need someplace warm."

"The car," Edo said, gesturing. "Put him in there for now. The heater's still going."

Jim ducked into the car and held Johan gingerly, like he was a frail, glass flower. He didn't want Johan to feel bad or get a fever. It was everything to Jim just to see Johan open his eyes.

Jim was kneeling beside Johan, on the seats. He suddenly rolled over and the jacket came lose. His small hand touched Jim's slightly bloody one and Jim felt his heart skip a beat. Johan looked so kind and so gentle as a child. It was hard to believe he was a world-class duelist.

But Jim was soon joined by Judai and Ryo.

"Where's Edo?"

They pointed.

Edo was dealing serious damage to Kraig, who was unable to fight back, as Edo had stomped out a few of the guy's teeth.

"Why--?"

"He called Judai a dirty witch with a 'b', Jim." Ryo noticed Johan's small hand and then sighed. "How do we change him back?"

Judai smiled and put a hand on Johan's small face. "You need to show him love for him to return. He's probably being effected by that weird 'spell' Kraig put on him."

"You know about this?" Jim asked. He'd never seen such a happy brunette before.

"Yes. Edo had it put on him once. All he needs is to know someone loves him. He must be a very loyal lover if he's effected like this."

Johan gave a little cry and they all looked down. His hair was caught on one of Ryo's jacket's clips. He was trying to untangle himself and was just doing more harm than good. He gave a little groan and tried to pull it away from himself. He struggled and squirmed until he'd cried out.

Ryo took Judai's suddenly vacant seat and held Johan. "Here, let us help you."

Johan sighed and let them do what they could. When it was off, he curled up and snuggled into Ryo's arms, sleeping again.

Jim had an idea. "Let's give him a kiss. Maybe that'll do it."

Ryo shrugged. "No harm in trying."

With a kiss to each cheek, Johan squirmed and they watched in amazement.

Johan was glowing yellow. Like he was one of those rave sticks. And his body changed back to that lean, strong, nimble form Ryo and Jim had remembered. He was still sleeping and his head was thrown back. In Jim's shirt, he looked smaller than he had been originally, but Jim's shirt, thankfully, covered Johan's more private areas. He was breathing easy and Jim sighed in relief.

Ryo gently woke Johan. "Hey, wake up, sleepy head."

Johan groaned. He rolled into Jim's arms, curling up. He brought his hands up to his face and hunched his shoulders as his head rested on the crook of Jim's arm. His breath was warming Jim's side. "No," he mumbled.

"Your naked."

Johan sat up and put his hands down to cover himself when Ryo had said that. "Hey!" His messy hair gave him a funny look. "That wasn't funny.... wait a sec, who's shirt is this?"

Jim didn't say anything, but Johan noticed he was wearing a white tank and it dawned on him. Ryo grabbed Johan's shoulders. He pulled him back and Johan's leg went up and Jim had to quickly look away. Ryo smirked. "I saw that."

Jim looked away. "No you didn't. You did it on purpose."

"Where are my cloths?" Johan asked quietly.

Edo threw the door open and Judai was thrown in. He noticed Johan blinking at him and he jumped. "Johan! Johan! I wanna show you something! Can I, can I, can I?!"

Johan didn't know what the heck Judai was talking about, or who he was. "Um, I...."

Ryo watched Edo step in the front seat and the car drove off. He held Johan in his lap as Jim and Judai argued.

When they got to the hotel where Judai and Edo had been waiting, they noticed a police car drive by, towards the docks.

Ryo stood up, holding Johan in his arms. "Until we get back to my house, you've got nothing to wear."

"I know. Thank you, by the way."

The duo who'd grown used to Johan as a child looked at him. "For what?"

"You took care of me. I'm happy you did. It made me feel wanted." He smiled and touched his chest, where the pendants hung. "No memory is stronger than the memories where I'm loved or giving love. I won't forget what you did for me. I love you, both of you." He hugged Ryo before hopping down and hugging Jim. His short height made it look almost like a girl hugging them, because the bell boy looked at Johan's....

Jim and Ryo looked at each other and then down at Johan.

He smiled and took their hands. "Can we go inside? I'm cold."

The bell boy didn't seem to notice that Johan was holding their hands. His voice alone gave the bell boy a reason to stare....

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**A/N:** for now, that'll do it.... all the same, enjoy it.... it's not over yet, though! this story's not done XP


	13. Chapter 12: Love Two

Ryo slammed the door and then kicked it. He wasn't aware he was being watched until he turned around. He jumped a lifetime out of his skin.

"Well, I take it it didn't go well?" Johan asked, standing up from the stairs.

Ryo shook his head. "I forgot you still have a key. Look, don't talk to me, he irritated me."

Johan stayed quiet and watched Ryo collect himself enough to get something to drink. He climbed down the stairs and stood beside Ryo. He had come back to Ryo's house because he had wanted to give Ryo moral support while Kraig was being put through trial and everything.

"Johan, please just leave."

He sighed and gave Ryo a quick hug. "I won't leave forever, you know?"

"Then for now. I need to go scream my lungs out."

Johan smiled and collected Ryo's face in his hands. Softly, his lips touched Ryo's, like it had so many times before. "I'll be at Jim's, when you're ready to talk."

---Jim---

He slowly sat up, letting the towel fall from his eyes. His head was throbbing. After a night of arguments with Edo and Judai, he was sore from being tackled and fighting Edo and his head hurt from having been emotionally drained.

But somehow, this didn't feel like a victory.

This felt more like a sinister stab to the heart.

He looked down at the towel and then over the side of the sofa to the floor. His pet crocodile, Shirley, had arrived with his sister, who had ditched before dawn because she didn't want to be around Edo and all his camera and radio crews. Jim knew why, but wouldn't tell anyone.

Shirley managed to climb up and lay across Jim's knees. She looked at him and he smiled.

"Hey, girl. You'll never believe what's happened to me."

There was a soft, single knock and Jim knew who it was. "You can come in, Johan."

Jesse slowly opened the door. "Jim? You sure?"

"Yeah." Jim closed his eye and fell back on the cushions. "What do you need?"

"Someplace to hide. Ryo's mad at me."

Jim smiled. "Mad or upset about Kraig?"

"Probably the latter. Anyways, I wanna crash here, is that okay?"

Jim scooted onto his side and let his fingers brush against Shirley's nose. He watched Johan settle in a chair, tucking his legs under him and watching Shirley closely. "She won't bite. I made her that way."

"I'm just not as comfy around big animals that can kill as you are, that's all." Johan smiled. "I'll get used to it eventually."

Jim smiled and held his arm out to Johan. "Come here." He wanted to hold Johan for a bit, since he hadn't gotten a chance to since the incident. Johan climbed over the back of the sofa, trying to avoid the newcomer in the room. "Johan, she won't bite, I swear."

Johan sighed and rested his head on Jim's shoulder, curling up. "You're not mad that I still love Ryo?"

"Nope." Jim paused and then touched Johan's chin, tilting the bluenette's face up to his. "Johan, what's wrong? You should be happy I'm telling you that I don't mind."

"But then I'm stuck...." Johan shut his eyes and sat up. "How can I be with two? Isn't that technically cheating?"

Jim sat up, putting his arms around Johan's neck. He kissed Johan's ear before nibbling on it. He whispered against Johan's neck. "It isn't. I don't care if you see him. You come back to me when he's done. I don't care how you do it. All I know is that I'm happy you care enough to ask."

Johan's face flushed when Jim's lips pressed right onto his artery. He closed his eyes and squirmed under Jim's lips. "No! No! I won't do that now!" His face was so red that it looked like a stop light. "Don't--!"

Jim's lips captured Johan's sentence and he gently tangled his left hand into Johan's hair as his right arm brought Johan in close. Slowly, softly, almost tenderly, he pulled away and smiled at Johan. "I don't honestly care who you want to be better. All that matters to me is that you have someone around so you can smile."

Johan nodded. "Do it again." He smiled brightly.

Jim obliged.

---Ryo---

He stared at the wall beside his bedroom door.

His mind was blank, his soul was cold, his heart was empty. Something he'd grown used to. He wasn't "lonely" per say.

But then, his mind suddenly kicked into high gear and he remembered Johan's hands, cold as ice, touch him early in the morning to wake him. He remembered little Johan dangling off the end of the bed when Jim woke up. He remembered little Johan holding onto the rail outside, waiting for Ryo to help him down. He remembered Johan tackle him after he'd won second place, right after Ryo's first place win.

All the memories, but none of the feelings. What was it? What was making Ryo feel so....

There was a noise, the phone was ringing. He picked it up. "Hello."

"Ryo!"

"Jim!" Ryo suddenly sat up straight. "What's wrong?"

"Ryo, you have to hurry! Something's wrong!" Jim sounded panicked.

"Calm down, what's wrong?"

"I left Johan to get some food and came back and--!" Jim suddenly took a deep breath. "I came back and Johan was...."

"Jim! Jim! Is Ryo on the phone?!"

Ryo's blood chilled. Johan's little voice echoed again. He dropped his head. "Don't tell me."

Jim sighed. "I don't know what happened.... I thought Kraig was behind bars?"

"Yes, he is, for life. You don't think it's the spell again, huh?"

"How would I know. I just need your help because he's, erm...."

Ryo straightened up again and his face flushed. "Okay, okay, I'll be there in a second!" He hung up and sat there, staring at the phone. He took a deep breath. "WHAT THE FREAK WAS THAT?! HOW THE...!" Ryo suddenly stopped himself and then took a deep breath. "No, no, there has to be a reason for this. Deep, calm breath." Ryo stood up and gathered little Johan's cloths from the top of his bed stand. He quickly grabbed his keys, jacket, and bag with Duel Disk and little Johan's cloths.

He locked the door.


	14. Chapter 13: The Most Unlucky

Ryo opened the door and was mauled by a clump of cloth. He looked down and saw Johan's head poking out of Jim's jacket. He smiled brightly and squirmed away.

Jim scratched the back of his head. "Heh, sorry. He's been trying to find something to do. The best I've got is he's trying to find a shirt for me."

Johan was running away when Ryo finally got up. "You sure you didn't let anybody in?"

"Johan was sleeping upstairs on the table. He finds it comfortable, don't ask me why. He locked himself in the room and managed to barricade the windows." Jim watched Johan vanish into the living room. He closed the door behind Ryo. "I came home to find him sleeping on the sofa. How he managed that is beyond me. But I didn't have to look twice to know something was wrong, since he looked like a patch of blue hair growing off a brown blanket."

Ryo sighed. "How did that happen?"

"I don't know."

"SHIRTS!"

The duo was suddenly swamped with a whole bunch of cloth.

Johan smiled and held the basket still on his head. He ran over and held it out to Jim. "See? Johan found shirts for Jim!"

Jim sighed and gently took the basket. "But he's wearing on my patients."

Ryo had a good look at Johan then. Johan looked three! How was that possible?! "He learned to talk at three?"

"FOUR!" Johan puffed his cheeks out and held up four fingers. "Johan is four."

"Four...." Ryo mumbled, correcting himself. He watched Johan run off with the now full basket. "Can you change him out of your shirt, please?" Ryo held out the bag with the cloths in it. He heard something thud nearby and the duo poked around the corner.

Johan was blinking as a red mark appeared on his forehead. He rubbed his eyes and sat there, silently crying. He wasn't as loud as Sho used to be and Ryo could just ear him hiccup just a bit. Without really thinking, he scooped up Johan and held him. He started to walk slowly, patting Johan's back, cooing softly in his ear. Johan finally stopped crying, but had fallen asleep on Ryo's shoulder.

Jim was still standing there with the bag before he looked down at Johan. "How do we fix this one?"

"How should I know?" Ryo asked. "Is there somewhere I can lie him down?"

"Upstairs," Jim said, gesturing to a hallway.

Ryo wasn't used to this large space. The living room was bigger than his kitchen and stairwell. He followed Jim to where the stairs were and found that there was an open door to the coat closet and a back door to a small backyard. He quickly followed Jim up the stairs to the loft and into a bedroom that looked like it had seen far worse. "What--?"

"This was where he was sleeping. I haven't really cleaned up too much. It's fine, though, Ryo. You can put him on the bed over there." Jim cleared off the other bed that was still cluttered with stuff. He smiled then.

"Jim?"

"Yes?" Jim was continuing his cleaning of the bed, ignoring the fact that he had just knocked his hat into the mess.

Ryo put Johan down. "Why do you love him anyways?"

Jim stopped moving. He stood up, holding a dark brown, leather book that had no description on the spine, but Jim knew exactly what it was. "Why? Well, I met him recently, but he became such a sweet person. I took a liking to him. He took a shine to me, you know? But I was content until he Frenched me on the sofa downstairs."

Ryo was about to say something when he felt something touch the back of his foot. It was pulling his pant leg....

Pulling?

Ryo looked down....

"Whoa!" Ryo jumped back from the bed as he watched the crocodile poke her head out. "You have a--!"

"Shirley! don't scare people!" Jim said, running over and grabbing her snout to pull her out. He picked her up and set her down in the hallway. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

Ryo gawked at him. "Do you realize you have a very wild animal in your house?"

"Yes, I realize she's considered a wild animal. For me, that's my sister." Jim suddenly stopped. "That would be too confusing to explain, trust me. She won't bite, but she gets protective of kids." Jim was still holding the book. "Here, you should look at this. Johan showed me once before and it's hard to let it go."

Ryo looked at the book and a slip of blue fell out. He noticed it was somewhat crumpled and picked it up. It had Jim's name on it. "Hey." Jim turned around. "Here, you should probably read this."

Jim smiled. "Okay. Is it something from you?"

"No, from the book."

Jim just laughed. "Ah, okay, okay." He sat on the bed beside Johan and opened the folded piece of paper.

_Jim, this is Johan.  
Then again, you probably figured that much out.  
All the same, I wanted to tell you something. Even if I do end up with Ryo again, I want you to know that you've got my heart.  
It hurts to admit as much, but, meh, whatever.  
I love you, don't forget that, okay? Even if I do forget, I want you to stay by my side, always. I want you to be with me always. I'll be with you, too. Always.  
Is that okay? Or does that sound cheesy? I think it does. Ah, well, I hope to hear that you love me, too._

Jim stared at it and noticed the page was torn just below that, and there was more to it. Ryo suddenly touched his shoulder. "Look." He pointed.

Johan was stirring and sat up, rubbing his eye. There was a deck box beside him now that had come out of nowhere. He smiled sleepily at them and crawled over to snuggle up between them, the blanket burying most of his head. He was a perfect little ball facing Ryo. He made a little groan, but stayed down.

Jim reached out and took the deck box. When he opened it, he was greeted by the sight of a set of cards that were unfamiliar to him. "Johan had a deck before his new cards." Jim showed Ryo.

Ryo remembered them. "Yes, his ArchAngel Deck. There's a card in there based off his sister, Alice." He pulled it out. "The Ice Guardian." He sighed and touched Johan's face. "Poor thing is probably...." His voice trailed off. He touched farther down Johan's face, to his neck. "He's got a fever! A bad fever!"

Jim jumped and grabbed the nearest comforter. He wrapped Johan up and Ryo held him in his lap. "Well, what else could we do? I'm not exactly close to any drug stores, you know."

Ryo sighed and rummaged in his duffel bag and pulled out the medicine he'd bought before. He gently woke Johan. "You can sleep, but I need you to take some medicine first. It might taste bitter, but please take it."

Johan gave a weak nod and wriggled his hand free to help Ryo guide it to his mouth. He took the liquid and coughed. He covered his mouth and kept coughing for a bit before he settled down and curled up again. He was beautiful and sweet, everything he always showed in his eyes. Jim and Ryo looked at him and then at each other. It had to be one or the other, they both couldn't have him....

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**A/N:** updated.... until tomorrow, people! (this chapter and story are going to be dedicated to Dark Mage Girl Xion, since she's reviewed this story so much =^-^=)


	15. Chapter 14: Bloody Noses!

Ryo threw his arms in the air and let Johan fly up to Jim, who was on the landing above him. "I'll be back! Take care of him."

Jim nodded and vanished over the railing. Ryo's awkward smile vanished and he looked down at his hand. Could he really do that? After all Johan had said and done for him, could he really just let go so easily?

He clenched a fist and then walked out Jim's front door.

Being cruel was something Ryo knew how to do, but he didn't know how to make it easy for Johan and Jim. After he dumped Johan, how could he say he loved him?

Well, actually, Ryo did.

---Johan---

He tugged on the knob and the door yielded and he poked his head out, to the hallway. He saw Jim disappear through the cracked door. Johan ran across the hallway, holding a pair of socks as he ran.

The nightshirt was a bit longer than he was used to and he stumbled before he got to the door. When he got there, he pushed the door slightly and stumbled backwards.

Jim's "sister", Kalen, was growling at him.

Johan fell down and scooted back. Not that he was paying attention, and he almost went over the stairs. Jim ran and captured him. "S-sorry," Johan quickly said, trying to bury his face into his hands. "I-I scared h-her."

Jim gently rocked Johan as he walked back to his room. "Hush, it's okay." He moved his cloths to one side of his bed and sat down. "She just thought you were going to hurt me."

Johan hiccuped and rubbed his eyes to stop the tears. "I-I found-d some s-socks." Johan was trying to pretend like he wasn't upset.

Jim smiled and hugged Johan closely. "Let's hold off on that for a bit. Want some ice cream?" Jim was shocked when Johan said no. "What do you want?"

"Is she f-friendly?" he asked, pointing at Kalen with a shaky hand. He was looking at Jim rather than Shirley.

Jim slid to the floor and set Johan in his lap, pointing him towards Kalen. He held his own, long fingers towards Kalen, and beckoned her. As she came closer, he leaned forward and Johan followed his arm to touch Kalen's nose. Jim smiled. "See?" He let Shirley nudge Johan's hand slightly. "She's friendly. I didn't mean to have her scare you. She's overprotective of me, so, she's sorry."

Johan started to laugh and he crawled out of Jim's lap and onto Kalen's back. He smiled at Jim as he sat on Kalen's back. Slowly, he yawned and then fell on Kalen, coughing slightly, which worried Jim. "Jim?" Johan asked, speaking European rather than English or Japanese.

Jim realized Johan was having trouble talking in English. He had learned some Russian, and thought it might help.... until--

"I'm so tired. Can Johan put his socks on later?"

Jim smiled and kissed Johan's cheek. "Yes, we'll put it on later." He gave Kalen a look and her eyes gleamed with a smile. Jim watched her sneak out of the room to let Johan sleep in the other room. Now that he was alone, Jim felt the twang of guilt. How had he done this to the only boy he craved every day? And now Ryo was open to make a move. But who was it that could make Johan small again?

As if to scare him from those thoughts, his cell phone let out the loud "A~ALL ABO~OARD! HA HA HA HA HA!"

He scrambled around and grabbed it off the bed. "Judai?" he asked, trying to calm his scared heart.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked.

"No. No, not a bad time." Jim ran a hand through his hair and then down, over his eye. "What's up?"

"JUDAI! I said no phone!"

Jim raised an eyebrow. Was that why Judai sounded chipper?

"Hello?"

"Edo-san...."

"Jim?!" Edo mumbled something and then spoke to Jim. "Judai-chan stole the cell phone from my desk. Hey, DON'T DO THAT, JUDAI! Hang on a second, Jim."

Jim listened to Edo yelling at Judai. He was yelling about everything and anything. Finally, he heard Edo huff near the microphone on the phone. "Hey."

"Sorry. Judai's been up and about recently. Hey, um, has Johan-san gone small again?"

"Yes, this morning."

"Ah, well--OW! Judai, go play with Saio! I don't want to play with you right now." Edo grumbled again and then turned all his attention to Jim. "I think it's because we've been ignoring them, as it were." Edo suddenly made a noise like he was upset. "I know I've been ignoring Judai because he dropped a bucket of cold water on me a couple of days ago. Grr, he drives me crazy...."

Jim blinked. He hadn't been ignoring Johan.... so, it might not've been him who did this.... right?

Judai suddenly squeaked and Edo jumped. "Hey! Leave that alone! Judai! Saio, catch!" Edo's voice became distant, but he was yelling all the same.

Saio came clearly through. "Hello?"

"Saio-san," Jim greeted. He had no idea who "Saio" was, but he had a feeling he should be nice. "Erm, should I call back later?"

Suddenly, Jim heard Johan scream and his sister give off a loud growl. He jumped to his feet and ran into Johan's room.

Johan was bleeding from his nose and Kalen was growling at the bathroom door. Jim quickly scooped up Johan to see the boy was bleeding from his nose. Saio, on the other end, was yelling something inaudible in another tongue that Jim didn't recognize. Edo yelled something back and Saio returned to Jim.

"We have to go. Judai's been injured and I need to get them to a hospital."

Jim agreed and hung up. He held his orange scarf over Johan's bleeding nose and pinched lightly. "Kalen!"

She lunged at the door and it splintered open to reveal Kraig. She lunged forward and the surge of muscle that came at him startled Kraig and he stumbled into the tub, splashing into Johan's bath. Kalen growled and made sure Kraig didn't come out.

Jim advanced, holding Johan in his arm. "What do _you_ want?" he asked, venom dripping off his fanged words.

"Give me Johan!" he shouted, standing on his knees.

Jim's dark eye loomed down at Kraig. "You expect me to give him up that easy? You know, I'm usually quite docile, but you've crossed the line! Kalen, take Johan back to my room and stay there with him." He set Johan on Kalen's back. "Hold the orange to your face and don't stop until you can breath through your nose, okay?" Johan nodded and clung to Kalen's back as she reversed out of the bathroom.

Once they were gone, into the hallway, Jim turned his undivided attention to Kraig.

Kraig flinched. "What?"

Jim reached up to his bandages. "I would love to just drive you insane, instead, I'll make you talk. I'm not happy that you hurt Johan like that." Jim grabbed Kraig's shirt front. "You're going to tell me everything, or I'll make you tell me."

---Ryo---

He was walking back, his job done, when he heard his phone. It was the heart-pounding "If you need to crash and burn" and he flipped his phone open. "Johan?"

"RYO! Jim's not himself! Help! Help! Please! He's making that man scream and Johan's scared! Johan's scared of him...."

As if on cue, Ryo heard the shrill, heart-chilling scream in the background and knew what Johan was scared of. Ryo didn't say anything, but he made a mad dash back to Jim's house, which was just a block away and around the corner. If he made it, if he could just make it....

* * *

**A/N:** the ringtone Jim's using for his cell when Judai calls is called "Crazy Train" and the one Ryo uses when Johan calls is called "Crash and Burn" they were just two ringtones my sis uses and the "Crazy Train" annoys me to no end because it repeats the "all aboard" a few times -.- anyways, updated all the same, enjoy.


	16. Chapter 15: He Has To Decide

Johan was screaming and Kalen was roaring to stifle the sounds when Ryo kicked down the front door, not bothering to grab the spare key atop the door frame. He didn't bother taking his muddy boots off as he grabbed the banister rail. He swung himself over and was already up several stairs. He thundered his way up the stairs as he heard something or someone hit hard on the floorboards above.

Johan screamed again and this time, Kalen wasn't heard.

Ryo gritted his teeth and jumped onto the rail. Using the method he used to use when Sho was scared and he was downstairs, Ryo launched himself at the railing he'd thrown Johan to just hours earlier. He knew he wasn't going to make it over, so, he grabbed the top of the rail and curled his fist. The movement was just enough to swing him over and he landed. He saw Jim's bedroom door wide open and Johan's cracked half way open. He made for Jim's room, since Johan's sobbing was from that way.

He stepped in to find it completely empty....

But Johan.... he could hear Johan.

Ryo slowly took a step inwards and stopped, placing his feet together. "Johan?" he cooed softly. "Johan, it's Ryo. Are you here?" He spoke European, the language Johan had taught him while they were still together. "Johan, don't be scared. It's only me."

A small hand came out of the folds of the bed's skirt. Johan pulled himself out, but he was still crying.

Ryo swept forward and scooped the boy up. Still speaking European, he asked; "Where's Jim?"

Johan just pointed in a direction.

Ryo smiled warmly at Johan. "I'll go fix it, don't worry." He set Johan down on the bed. "I'll be right back." He turned and ran out the door, closing and securing it as he left. He heard Jim say something inaudible that sounded quite vulgar.

Ryo opened Johan's bedroom door....

---Judai---

He squirmed and writhed in Edo's arms as he tried to pull free.

Saio sighed and looked away. His long, royal purple hair moved freely about his waist. His gray-toned skin was blotted, slightly, from the rain. He settled for holding the umbrella over holding Judai. He felt obliged to let Edo free, and this was "letting Edo roam the earth freely" when it came to choices in lovers.

"Saio, Saio, Saio-san!" Judai chirped happily. "I feel better, but I wanna stand up."

Edo sighed and plopped Judai down. "Better?"

Judai giggled and stood up. As he did so, his legs extended, his arms grew out, and his body became more toned and well-rounded. He smiled at Edo, his goofy, lovey-dovey smile. "Yup, I feel much better."

"Wha--?!"

"Oh, I know." Judai smiled at the duo now gawking at him. "It's not you, it's me. I was thinking that you didn't care. But you showed me that there's a part of you that never changes. It loves me even on bad days." He scratched the back of his head. "So, yeah. I know you love me and now you know I love you." He paused and dropped his arm. He gave Edo a sweet, loving smile. "ai suru, Edo-kun."

Edo's face flushed and he looked at his shoes. "ai suru, Judai.... kun."

Saio cleared his throat. "So how does that help Johan-san?"

Judai blanched. "Forgot. We need to help them!"

"They're half-way across the globe. How, pray tell, do we do that?" Edo asked, crossing his arms, their moment gone. He was back to his 'snap-to-it' self.

---'half-way across the globe'---

He made a small fist on his knees as he kept his back to the door. The bed was comfy and he'd curled up into the tightest ball he could. He was hiding amongst Jim's pile of cloths. It was the best way for him to hide right now....

Ryo was pretty much wrestling Jim off Kraig. He had to calm the lean wall of muscle way down. "JIM!"

Kraig, seeing Ryo, had instantly stopped resisting Jim and let the copper-skinned man kick him at least once. "Ryo, you came back!"

"Yeah, not for you," he spat, his words sharper than diamonds. He finally gave up being polite and drop-kicked Jim. "Will you stop it!"

Jim growled at Kraig. "Did you see what he did to Johan's nose?"

"Yes, I did. Trust me, I've got better ways than brute force to make people talk." Ryo held up Johan's old deck box. "And I will make him talk. You!" He pointed at Kraig, his finger mere centimeters from the bridge of Kraig's nose. "You will tell me why you did this and what you want."

"I used an incantation I found in a book. I did it because I wanted that no-good, two-timing, goody-two shoes of an ex of yours to go away. I want you, Ryo."

Ryo suddenly blanched and his old self shone through for a good moment. "EW! No way.... ew." Ryo closed his eyes and shook his head, not lowering his arm. He peeked out of one eye and-- "EW! GROSS! NO!" He suddenly made a fist and Kraig's nose was as broken as Johan's. Ryo's dark demeanor came back. "You disgust me. People who think it wise to use dirty tricks for what they want disgust me. I would vomit on you, but that goes against my moral."

"It does?" Jim asked, unsure now.

Ryo's demeanor dropped again. "Yes. My moral that Johan taught me. Show people kindness and there's nothing bad about beating them."

"Respect others."

The trio looked at the door and Johan.... smiled?

A little Johan was clinging to the head of a very different Johan....

The taller Johan was wearing a very tight, leather jacket with large buckles. The boots were thick and heavy. His eyes were dark, yellow, and quite murderous. But he seemed quite normal with the overly adorable Johan clinging to the side of his head and kneeling on his arm.

"Who--?!" began Kraig, but the darker Johan put little Johan down.

"I am Johan. For whatever reason, I was summoned from within little Johan. He felt threatened by something. I see what it is now." Dark Johan smiled his evil, dark, crooked smile. "So, any last words before I pummel you to the wall?" He cracked his knuckles. That movement made his dark aura fill the bathroom and made even Ryo flinch.

Little Johan ran to Jim and Ryo and his little happy bubble protected them. "Johan wants ice cream," he said, smiling and holding his arms up to them.

Dark Johan laughed. "I suggest you leave. This may end up very unsightly." He pulled out a switch blade. Flicking it open, dark Johan started to laugh as he stepped closer to Kraig. "Because I'm going to neuter this guy good. Sorry, _mister_, you're going to be a _miss_ from now on."

Jim and Ryo quickly grabbed one of Johan's hands each and darted down the hall and were halfway down the stairs before they stopped. Johan was giggling and looking at each of them when they trio jumped and gave a short scream when they heard....

"A~ALL ABO~OARD!"

Jim flipped his phone open as Ryo leaned on the wall, clutching his chest and Johan burst out laughing.

"Judai?"

"Edo...."

"Edo-san." Jim corrected himself with a wince.

"Judai! Judai, here!"

There was a pause and then--

"Jim?"

Jim realized he could hear Judai, not some child. "Hello."

"I figured it out. It's not you, it's him. He's probably torn between what he wants and what he needs." Judai's voice portrayed a smile as he spoke his next words. "He wants to be loved, but he needs to show love. Maybe he hasn't had the chance. Give him the opportunity and you'll get your beloved back."

"And you know this.... how exactly?"

"I can tell you that it's not easy. I love Edo, don't get me wrong, but I thought he was never going to love me again after I had dumped a bucket of water over his head. So, I felt really bad and then I was small. Until Edo and I could put aside the things that we hated about each other, we couldn't love each other." Judai paused. "But I know Johan wouldn't be like that, so, I'm assuming that he's probably not had the chance to choose who he loves. Let him decide. Just don't hate him for it later."

Jim looked down and saw Johan was patting Ryo's shoulder with his forehead. Ryo was just staring blankly at Jim. "I see. Okay, thank you, Judai."

"No problem. ja ne!" He hung up.

Jim closed his phone and looked at Ryo. "He has to decide."


	17. Chapter 16: Ice Cream? Nothing's Decided

Jim shifted and Ryo looked away.

They had been waiting in Jim's kitchen for.... god knows how many hours.... for Johan to "gather himself" so they would know who he'd chosen.

The door to the kitchen slowly cracked open and the two of them snapped their attentive gaze at it and it snapped shut. Again, it slowly opened, but this time--

"Stop that!"

"But...."

"Com here."

"Um, okay."

The door opened fully.

Dark Johan smiled evilly at them as little Johan hugged dark Johan's head while sitting on his shoulder. He walked up to the table that the two sat at and put his left fist on his hip as little Johan giggled gleefully from his right shoulder. "So, we've decided. But Johan's too wimpy to tell you."

Ryo and Jim pulled in a collective breath.

Dark Johan laughed, his eyes closed, his head tilted back slightly. He was laughing at their reaction. His shirt and neck were still somewhat bloody from the "plumbing fix" earlier. The laughter just made things worse. "Well, don't hold your breath over it." He looked at little Johan, who was looking between his arms at dark Johan. He giggled again and hugged dark Johan's head tightly. "He decided neither."

They looked at him, shock filling their eyes.

"He thinks it's best to have two. He likes it that you guys like him. But he suggests you guys duel us and he'll show you why." Dark Johan smiled more softly now. "He wants you to understand his heart. His heart tells everything, but he needs to let his guard down first." Dark Johan leaned forward and plopped little Johan on his back on the table.

Then they realized it.

Johan was ten. He was small for ten, but his face was more sculpted and his limbs were starting their stretch. But for ten, he looked about the same size as Sho had been at about six or seven. Ryo made a face but then looked at Jim.

Little Johan giggled and popped between their staring eyes. "Duel me! Duel me! Please, please, please!" He was asking them politely. Little Johan took their silence as a "no" and sighed, looking somewhat like a mini dark Johan. "Oh, well, I guess I tried."

Dark Johan suddenly looked very angry. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and shook his head. "How lame. Whatever. Then you're both stuck with him." Dark Johan began to fade, like some kind of ghost. "ja ne, mina." He waved as he vanished completely and they were left alone with Johan.

As if they could hear each other's thoughts, they looked down at Johan and said; "Want some ice cream?"

Johan smiled happily. "Oh, yes please. Any kind of ice cream except mint. Mint makes my throat feel funny." Johan hopped off the table. The top of his shoulders reached to bottom of the table top. "You want me to help you get some ice cream?" he asked, excitedly rocking back and forth on his heels and toes.

---ice cream store---

Johan was swinging his legs on the chair by the window as Ryo and Jim went to get the ice cream.

Jim was waiting for Ryo when he heard something he wished he hadn't....

"Is that your son?"

He turned and looked.

Ryo was profusely red now. "N-no."

"Really? He looks like he's your son, both of you." The man behind the counter smiled. "He's so adorable!"

Jim heard Ryo growl at the man. "Stay back, I'm warning you." He snatched the ice cream away from the man and stalked passed Jim. "Pay the _nice_ man."

Jim smirked and did pay. It was bound to be asked, he knew that much....

Ryo set a napkin down in front of Johan with the spoon and gave the boy the cup with the double scoop of mint chocolate chip and elderberry ice cream.

Johan clapped his hands. "itadakimasu!" he smiled and picked up his spoon.

Jim joined them with his vanilla ice cream cone. Ryo was slouched in his chair and was grumpily stabbing his poor chocolate ice cream to death. The whole time, he was glaring at the man behind the counter as he helped a few other people.

Jim sighed and grabbed Johan's spoon to take some of Ryo's ice cream, which caused Ryo to glare daggers at him before realizing Jim was returning the spoon to....

Johan smiled and ate the extra ice cream, taking his spoon back. He noticed Ryo's angry look and cowered back. "Ice cream," he said quietly, sticking his spoon back into his ice cream and giving it to Ryo. He looked like he was about to cry. "Jim just wanted me to try your ice cream...."

Ryo nearly dropped his spoon but then smiled warmlly at Johan. "Don't worry. I thought he was going to eat it."

Johan smiled weakly before taking his ice cream back.

Ryo and Jim shared a look before they agreed that Johan would be one of theirs, but they didn't want to tell Johan just yet....

Johan, unknowing to their decision, just smiled brightly, some ice cream smudged on his cheek. He held out his somewhat empty bowl to hold Ryo's trash. But he quickly let the smile drop at the sight of Ryo's sad eyes. He got onto his knees and reached across the table and laid his hand on Ryo's cheek. "Ryo-kun?"

Jim looked away. It wasn't his place....

* * *

**A/N:** guess who? XD ah, the suspense!! sorry.... it's coming to a close! ;_;


	18. Chapter 17: Heart Made With Hands

Tight. Strangling.

The hold was unbearable!

No air. No space. Everything was....

Tight.

He thrashed about and tangled in the sheets and then--

WHAM!

The door banged open and he struggled against the pure white sheets. He made a noise and heard someone run over.

"Johan! Johan, you okay?!"

He reached out and grabbed the man's arm. He struggled against the bound sheets. He had to get out. His air was being strangled.

"Jim! Jim, hurry! Johan's stuck!"

He heard someone else come and he felt them tugging at the sheets and realized that the sheets had tangled around the bed post and then around his own body and then around the leg of the bed. Oh, this was why he couldn't get free!

Finally, he rolled out of the sheets and lay on his back, breathing heavily before he slowly sat up, hissing in pain. He looked at his hand as he drew it away from his face.

Blood.

"Ack." He fell over, his lungs begging for attention, rather than the throb in his head. "What's wrong.... with me?"

The other two men looked down at him and then at each other. "Johan...?"

He suddenly sat up. "Oh! Wow! YES!" He hugged them both. He was his "normal" height and was still in his normal build, but he wore his old cloths. "Guess what?! Guess what?!"

They both looked at him, waiting for his answer.

"I figured it out." He gave them a kind of sad smile. "Ryo, I still love you, after all this. I can't believe I still do, but I do." Ryo's face darkened. Johan noticed and gave a weak smile. "Jim, you're such a kind-hearted man. What could you possibly want from me? I'm so ordinary. I love you, too." Jim looked shocked and watched Johan for a sign of what was to come.... "I want you both, but I know that's impossible. So, I've decided."

Jim was about to say something, but Ryo cut across them both.

"Spit it out. I don't like suspense."

Johan smiled brightly and let go of Jim. He held Ryo close and smiled. "How like you. Until you find your place in the world without insanity, I can't stay. But I can't take Jim, either." He hugged Jim with the same caress and love as he had with Ryo. "I want you, too. But there's nothing to forgive us yet. Until I know you love me without consequence and without regret, I can't love either of you." He looked sad. "But the memories, the feelings, they're all still here." He brought both hands up to his chest and created a heart with their overlapping palms right over the center of his chest. "I wish for both of you as you were in those happiest memories." He smiled brightly. "I still love you."

Jim remembered what Ryo had said....

'_He still loves you. After everything you've said. Johan just doesn't know how to hate someone._'

"Johan...."

He looked up at Jim. "hai?"

"You wrote me a letter, but it was incomplete."

"Oh, no it's not." Johan smiled. "I wrote a letter to both of you. I was thinking of taking my life a while back. I thought it was pointless. I'd wait for you every night, but some nights you just didn't come home. I waited for you on the stairs every night, but you ignored me." Johan shrugged. "I wrote a whole lot of them, but I have two for you." He held out his hands, a letter in each. "They're meant to tell you thank you and I'm sorry. How could I decide? There's too much to say." Johan suddenly sniffed his arm. "I need a shower. I'll be back." He smiled and tugged on his shirt as he got off the bed.

* * *

**A/N:** epilogue will be the letters and how things went after that.


	19. Epilogue: Nothing is Forever

**A/N:** kon'nichiwa , hitobito wa! watashi no epirōgu wo o tanoshimi kudasai! -may have spelled that wrong-

* * *

Jim,  
This isn't "Goodbye", I mean, I'll see you at Central, won't I?  
But for whatever reason, I feel that I should say goodbye to you now.  
I know what you and Ryo want. I want it, too. A love that transcends this world and becomes something timeless that we can always hold.  
But why hold it? When you can live it?  
I love you, really! But sometimes, to love someone means to let them go.  
For me, the most lovely thing about you is that laugh. The laugh you gave the night I dropped soup on my leg and howled like a dog. It was such a nice laugh.  
Smile for me, yeah? It'd be nice.  
LOVE you!  
Johan

--

(I used Google Translate, so, it's going to be in kanji.... and in Romanji....)

亮くん、  
私はあなたに絶対的な粉砕して！と考え、私はあなたがすでに知っていたと思う。  
私を怒らせることはしたくない。 あなたがそうだったような気がする。どうすればこのような恩返しですか？ 私は自分の腕を保持できますか？または私の心？またはその両方？  
いずれにせよ、私は再び笑顔を確認したい。もし私は、それから私は気にしないチャンスを幸せにしていないということです。もし私に、そしてそれは私を幸せのいずれかの方法によ笑いをするわけではない。  
ので、実際に彼らの愛を感じるだけでは、していないため、誰かに渡した受信大好きだが、お楽しみください。  
私はまだ、あなたを愛し  
ヨハン

Ryō-kun,  
watashi wa anata ni zettai teki na funsai shi te! to kangae , watashi wa anata ga sudeni shi~tsu te i ta to omou.  
watashi wo okora seru koto wa shi taku nai. anata ga sō da~tsu ta yō na ki ga suru. dō sure ba kono yō na ongaeshi desu ka? watashi wa jibun no ude wo hoji deki masu ka? matawa watashi no kokoro? matawa sono ryōhō?  
izure ni seyo, watashi wa futatabi egao wo kakunin shi tai. moshi watashi wa, sorekara watashi wa ki ni shi nai chansu wo shiawase ni shi te i nai toyuu koto desu. moshi watashi ni, soshite sore wa watashi wo shiawase no izure ka no hōhō ni yo warai wo suru wake de wa nai.  
node, jissai ni karera no ai wo kanjiru dake de wa, shi te i nai tame, dare ka ni watashi ta jushin daisuki da ga, o tanoshimi kudasai.  
watashi wa mada, anata wo aishi  
yohan

(translates to:

Ryo-kun,  
I have an absolute crush on you! Thought, I think you already knew that.  
I don't want to upset you. You were so kind to me. How do I repay such kindness? Can I hold you with my arms? Or my heart? Or both?  
Either way, I want to make sure you smile again. If it means I don't have a chance to make you happy, then I don't mind. If it's not me to make you smile, then It'll make me happy, either way.  
Just enjoy the love you receive, not because someone gave it to you, but because you actually feel love for them.  
I still love you,  
Johan (or, i hope it does.... -doesn't trust google tranlsate-))

---

"AH! That was a nice shower!" Johan smiled as he came into the living room, where the other two were and he smiled brightly at them.

Ryo got up and came to Johan, holding him close. Jim joined Ryo.

Johan smiled. His letters had the effect he wanted. He wanted them to be happy. Maybe they'd understand that much. Right?

---Central Academia, three months later---

He whistled. Such a big school!

He looked around. His eagerness had earned him a lonely trip around that thing. Ah, well, it was too huge to be anything more than the Academia that brought the others together, right?

His emerald-teal eyes shone brightly as he watched a seagull float passed. He was so amazed by it! Seagulls nested in the cliffed area beyond the trees. The ocean sparkled so beautifully and the sun was so warm! It was hard to believe he was going to _school_ here! Ah, he was so lucky....

He saw the boat and his spirits soared! Jim! Jim was on that boat! It might not be the same, strangely unquiet Jim, but it might be the Jim he was hoping for. Maybe?

Johan smiled and stretched. He noticed Ruby run around a corner and chased after her. "Ruby! Ruby, wait!"

She vanished and he stopped in the doorway to the inside. He dared not go back inside. It had taken so long to find the roof! He sighed and started looking to see if she'd vanished around some odd corner....

He watched her poke her head around a corner and he chased her tail.

And lost her again. He searched a bit before--

"Are you a squirrel?"

"Ruby! I told you to wait!" Johan waited for Ruby to perch on his shoulder. It felt odd, but he felt like he knew that guy....

* * *

ah, done!

kinda.... enjoyed it? i did -,-

anyways, i have a surprise for ya'll! i'm writing soul eater stuff.... and 5ds.... again.... hope you guys enjoy it! really! because i put out my ideas for you guys to enjoy. ah, well, SO CLOSES THE BOOK OF "NOT FOREVER" -grin-

亮くん、  
私はあなたに絶対的な粉砕して！と考え、私はあなたがすでに知っていたと思う。  
私を怒らせることはしたくない。 あなたがそうだったような気がする。どうすればこのような恩返しですか？ 私は自分の腕を保持できますか？または私の心？またはその両方？  
いずれにせよ、私は再び笑顔を確認したい。もし私は、それから私は気にしないチャンスを幸せにしていないということです。もし私に、そしてそれは私を幸せのいずれかの方法によ笑いをするわけではない。  
ので、実際に彼らの愛を感じるだけでは、していないため、誰かに渡した受信大好きだが、お楽しみください。  
私はまだ、あなたを愛し  
ヨハン


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